tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-49292902154220944852024-03-18T21:49:26.929-07:00Because I Had ChildrenHere I process my thoughts and emotions and leave a record for my posterity. Sometimes I don't edit. Please don't judge:)Stacyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10907940147526374990noreply@blogger.comBlogger125125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4929290215422094485.post-59669995891983201442023-12-13T11:55:00.005-07:002023-12-21T21:46:57.221-07:00Merry Christmas 2023<p><span style="background-color: white; font-family: times;">Has it been a year already? What a year it's been. Because of the normal/abnormal craziness, I asked each of the families/individuals to write their own blurb this year (and added some of our thoughts too). </span></p><h2 style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: times; font-size: large;">Vance</span></h2><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgxQsfTCvjvW6eRQvHzT_e1wOmx_uFZT0_yNIuWNzZ9AtM6uetFsa5BcbhnXT-JnwYPRlpRpi8mJIz29HRMqi9vF5dDr-78x2wfjr0U6MZfh-SrK1Ght2JZmHL1RoIyp3cQ779mNolhNrH2G6ZHhquCZltig2qlepLdQR18QZHbyzOCWoZbJcqeuZVVGPso" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span style="font-family: times;"><img alt="" data-original-height="254" data-original-width="170" height="303" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgxQsfTCvjvW6eRQvHzT_e1wOmx_uFZT0_yNIuWNzZ9AtM6uetFsa5BcbhnXT-JnwYPRlpRpi8mJIz29HRMqi9vF5dDr-78x2wfjr0U6MZfh-SrK1Ght2JZmHL1RoIyp3cQ779mNolhNrH2G6ZHhquCZltig2qlepLdQR18QZHbyzOCWoZbJcqeuZVVGPso=w203-h303" width="203" /></span></a></div><span style="background-color: white; color: #202124; letter-spacing: 0.2px; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><span style="font-family: times;">Throughout 2023, the family joyously settled into their newly purchased 1927 home in Springville, Utah, benefitting from the previous owners' renovations. Despite encountering minor setbacks like water damage early on, they relished becoming part of the community. Vance, working as a sales operations manager, dedicated his year to conquering trail races, winning a 25k and securing third place in a marathon before celebrating his 31st birthday by running 31 miles. Afterward, he opted for a running hiatus. Katelynn embraced motherhood, cherishing moments with Livi and Parker, exploring parks, museums, and mastering sourdough baking. Olivia excelled as a big sister, enjoying swimming despite disliking putting her face underwater, starting preschool, and proudly participating in the primary program. Meanwhile, Parker, energetically crawling and exploring, showed a penchant for climbing and an eagerness to lend a hand with household chores, eagerly anticipating her first steps. (The first time I heard about AI was from Vance and he's getting great at it.) It's been fun to watch them settle into home ownership even with its struggles. They are determined, hard-working, and are a great partnership in taking care of their family. <br /></span></span><p></p><h2 style="text-align: center;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: times; font-size: large;">Marly</span></h2><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #202124; letter-spacing: 0.2px; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><span style="font-family: times;"></span></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: times;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjQQQsnH2bqIibqYO_nQ1rxW3by-kfcZ1ryQGmVajw8NvGBvH8iXJ-ZvzeUWwnEr9GoKItY5ckmTfnQ6gaSJV3kiZCYSP5aFXgCr9Cz9AZzXAQDVaYyK_Ig-WgKtfBsiiqsP1id_cvyXBS1AYc7CP7AfWwMNWWpb6M2LHnZmi9S2jb0MS1BcgKlopS8CsQx" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="640" height="197" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjQQQsnH2bqIibqYO_nQ1rxW3by-kfcZ1ryQGmVajw8NvGBvH8iXJ-ZvzeUWwnEr9GoKItY5ckmTfnQ6gaSJV3kiZCYSP5aFXgCr9Cz9AZzXAQDVaYyK_Ig-WgKtfBsiiqsP1id_cvyXBS1AYc7CP7AfWwMNWWpb6M2LHnZmi9S2jb0MS1BcgKlopS8CsQx=w262-h197" width="262" /></a></span></div><span style="font-family: times;">The Thieme’s had a fun year! Hayden graduated from optometry school and is now working with his dad in their family optometry practice. Marly started grad school at BSU this fall and is loving it! James goes to Pre-k and loves it. He is so social and loves to read books to his brother. Alexander is easygoing and loves going to gym daycare and nursery to play with friends! His vocab has exploded and he surprises everyone with his conversation skills. Ben and I want to add that this family is Lego crazy and we love seeing the creations they put together. We are so proud of them and all their sacrifices for their family.</span><p></p><h2 style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #202124; letter-spacing: 0.2px; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;">Drew</span></span></h2><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #202124; letter-spacing: 0.2px; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><span style="font-family: times;"></span></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: times;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEikP5FTRsp3RxQ4j9V7N-8x1VJSEV80_ww7xGW_hIRIN30WVKq-GXgmrzaiDFjlDjIp9QcBiyuxShAmMHS_82dP7-gojkmW0EjGSzUr1sFJlYZpwfihl7rd6KHnodqlit2sM2JAxOiwt_C3YZ3M-G2xOoLs93rTrTHhZCPq20Jy-le-I2xHtHDv5zorpVbC" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="767" data-original-width="807" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEikP5FTRsp3RxQ4j9V7N-8x1VJSEV80_ww7xGW_hIRIN30WVKq-GXgmrzaiDFjlDjIp9QcBiyuxShAmMHS_82dP7-gojkmW0EjGSzUr1sFJlYZpwfihl7rd6KHnodqlit2sM2JAxOiwt_C3YZ3M-G2xOoLs93rTrTHhZCPq20Jy-le-I2xHtHDv5zorpVbC" width="253" /></a></span></div><span style="font-family: times;">To start off 2023, Kaycee started in nursing school and Drew began a new career as a Business Development Representative and a Financial Advisor. In March, they took a well deserved, kid-free trip to Aruba to celebrate their 5 year wedding anniversary! Brooks turned 3 in May, and Adelynn turned 2 in September. After a severe reaction, they discovered Adelynn has an allergy to bee stings & ant bite! Overall, 2023 has proven to be a great year - filled with Brooks’ love for his bike, superheroes, dance parties, playing fetch with their dog, Maple, Adelynn’s baby doll obsession, making food in her play kitchen, and swinging at the park. Their days are full with active kids, mom deep in the textbooks, and dad who works full time, but they always do their best to prioritize family time! Dad and I are so glad they live near us so we get plenty of grandkid time. Drew and Kaycee are always willing to lend us a hand with their siblings still at home too. <br /><h2 style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.2px; text-align: left;">Skylar</span></h2></span><p></p><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #202124; letter-spacing: 0.2px; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><span style="font-family: times;"></span></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: times;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgPWKPyrsRy1hq50rrfxT_Un54Wsz0yhXCgSWWLaNB0ckOBXG9ylkc_qpsWc9pDCOupGSWpmSmTkHsaFxAYJkaj5X7QyU0GkQicClHOvaz-hjhvTMzq0NRkhDnJ8INz6cALMgjkF06DmxIFQ-79qeazy-xKcaqjhkFcYPwUas-9KkSYZOqcUEusaUfG4O-t" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="187" data-original-width="210" height="192" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgPWKPyrsRy1hq50rrfxT_Un54Wsz0yhXCgSWWLaNB0ckOBXG9ylkc_qpsWc9pDCOupGSWpmSmTkHsaFxAYJkaj5X7QyU0GkQicClHOvaz-hjhvTMzq0NRkhDnJ8INz6cALMgjkF06DmxIFQ-79qeazy-xKcaqjhkFcYPwUas-9KkSYZOqcUEusaUfG4O-t=w216-h192" width="216" /></a></span></div><span style="font-family: times;">Skylar and Abby are living in Hickory, North Carolina while Abby finishes her MBA program at Lenoir-Rhyne University. Skylar is working as the Athletic Director at University Christian High School and they are both coaching Varsity basketball at the high school. They got a new puppy in October and named her Cleo. Abby is competing in CrossFit now that Track is over and Skylar golfs. They miss their family and hope to move home at some point! (That last sentence makes my momma heart so happy. We love and miss these two so much but know that they are where they need to be for now. I miss my Skylar hugs.)</span><p></p><h2 style="text-align: left;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEi-pRDVgP99kztDceRP8Asq2VuNg9K9BRw8jvpjxt28iu8bshb4drSdgZHcKnRdBYSXicao7xBRTFQBH0cpc1ma01VBe_lrQRBYwQ5T63LkVuSuszJT7fyzyQ-cQLkRrK2oucigexCpn5IqJ18w2nhBmW4Ld9fk9Db20rVa-4RF4RoXmRXNI80pSuJuZLPP" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: small;"><img alt="" data-original-height="420" data-original-width="315" height="236" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEi-pRDVgP99kztDceRP8Asq2VuNg9K9BRw8jvpjxt28iu8bshb4drSdgZHcKnRdBYSXicao7xBRTFQBH0cpc1ma01VBe_lrQRBYwQ5T63LkVuSuszJT7fyzyQ-cQLkRrK2oucigexCpn5IqJ18w2nhBmW4Ld9fk9Db20rVa-4RF4RoXmRXNI80pSuJuZLPP=w176-h236" width="176" /></span></a></div><span style="background-color: white; color: #202124; letter-spacing: 0.2px; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.2px;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;">Katy</span></span></div></span></h2><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #202124; letter-spacing: 0.2px; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><span style="font-family: times;">This year Katy completed her first full year in Juneau, Alaska! She spent this year with her boyfriend and they were able to travel to various places around Alaska including Talkeetna, Wasilla, Anchorage, and Haines. They adventured around via bush plane, snowmobile, boat and car. Although, her favorite trips they went on were the two times they were fortunate enough to go home to Arizona and spend time with the family. Katy is currently managing a local coffee shop and still taking personal training clients in person and online. Stacy wants to add that she has an adventuring spirit but her roots are firmly planted in family and building relationships. It's not always easy when you're so far away and we miss her tremendously.<br /></span></span></p><h2 style="text-align: center;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #202124; letter-spacing: 0.2px; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;">Tawny</span></span></h2><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #202124; letter-spacing: 0.2px; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><span style="font-family: times;"></span></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: times;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhrRY40cKyb_7SrX7K9tk91ogJQpygcbyMBfW1euBEQXL4LH0ALzZD2BpHAUW_DpJO5SrAC78WumdMqNAu7zzEYIcjE17Uz6KHxE33jBigEszPU0Pg8_8GeWYcgk_7_6moK5ZkUL4_QXNXGpV7iRbRDLBr8DvXv2xlvsuFauUNAPPrWKSfqzY0bLPEj-8qp" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="2046" data-original-width="1274" height="177" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhrRY40cKyb_7SrX7K9tk91ogJQpygcbyMBfW1euBEQXL4LH0ALzZD2BpHAUW_DpJO5SrAC78WumdMqNAu7zzEYIcjE17Uz6KHxE33jBigEszPU0Pg8_8GeWYcgk_7_6moK5ZkUL4_QXNXGpV7iRbRDLBr8DvXv2xlvsuFauUNAPPrWKSfqzY0bLPEj-8qp=w110-h177" width="110" /></a></span></div><span style="font-family: times;"><br />Tawny and Kelsi both started this year with new jobs at Premier Learning Academy, where Tawny has since been promoted to lead teacher. Kelsi got her CNA license and is excited to start nursing school soon! They moved out on their own for the first time and love having an apartment. </span><p></p><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #202124; letter-spacing: 0.2px; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><span style="font-family: times;">Dad and I are so proud of the beautiful woman Tawny is and are grateful for her and Kelsi's work ethic. They are a good example to all of us. She and Kelsi both love the nieces and nephews so much and we love when they are able to join us for family activities. We simply love them. </span></span></p><h2 style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #202124; letter-spacing: 0.2px; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;">Anny</span></span></h2><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgPBXpGSoUH9VpsNmqbo0BrnpzL6tYCNAMf3SWidhBGpgb02evtOxhD94Gv55dQqkQTOjODDWtUliZ6GvZ6tSICsfqoFY7g2hLffpBQ795cdRDQUoR6sV5gyPRbf6v0SHb3ztwXLCf_Vwlt_q9sy-tA_NqLuzk9eFqEpMT0SzI5VfwINHqn4dfO932YauzS" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="1057" data-original-width="642" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgPBXpGSoUH9VpsNmqbo0BrnpzL6tYCNAMf3SWidhBGpgb02evtOxhD94Gv55dQqkQTOjODDWtUliZ6GvZ6tSICsfqoFY7g2hLffpBQ795cdRDQUoR6sV5gyPRbf6v0SHb3ztwXLCf_Vwlt_q9sy-tA_NqLuzk9eFqEpMT0SzI5VfwINHqn4dfO932YauzS=w195-h320" width="195" /></a></div><span style="background-color: white; color: #202124; letter-spacing: 0.2px; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><span style="font-family: times;">This year was very busy for me. I starred as Willy Wonka in Willy Wonka Jr. and was in Lion King Jr with a community theater. I started high school as well. <br /><br /></span></span><p></p><h2 style="text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgRxiz5wU4Gues5qlvS2piNDDZek2XQO47vHcwbY4mPWMahSbhNFMIP491rCpSHzTPpVxeDz6l5yYuPBeFPw-0Q-52SDz_ikA70Va42H2dSZQ-4DEaK6uRoQDXtkCGo2bjz-Grpe8p0hMf6XrHhQJjHtcjSuFRICb76rXUaEo7W3ndKU-q9JgE-gZ4pDsCE" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img data-original-height="600" data-original-width="447" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgRxiz5wU4Gues5qlvS2piNDDZek2XQO47vHcwbY4mPWMahSbhNFMIP491rCpSHzTPpVxeDz6l5yYuPBeFPw-0Q-52SDz_ikA70Va42H2dSZQ-4DEaK6uRoQDXtkCGo2bjz-Grpe8p0hMf6XrHhQJjHtcjSuFRICb76rXUaEo7W3ndKU-q9JgE-gZ4pDsCE=w149-h200" width="149" /></a></div></h2><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #202124; letter-spacing: 0.2px; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: small;">Stacy adds, she also plays the viola in the school orchestra, is a voracious reader (yay!) and is the best helper around the house and best big sister to three little brothers, she's fiercely protective of them. She is a beautiful young woman trying to navigate her world and we absolutely adore her vivacious personality.</span></span></span></span></div><h2 style="text-align: center;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #202124; font-family: times; font-size: x-large; letter-spacing: 0.2px; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><br /></span></h2><h2 style="text-align: center;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #202124; font-family: times; font-size: x-large; letter-spacing: 0.2px; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Derek</span></h2><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #202124; letter-spacing: 0.2px; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><span style="font-family: times;"></span></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: times;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEicjg_yASj5PTORefrhY-leK4IBqvmIvFPACYJoulSmresZm-hb5ovZ0fB6eqFMpmi_1txv2J39Q1YnmtBrphDq3Sdwrv8CkF8bYS8_38guf2-S5ctYsUbq6t63zCFknYBHVc5Q2L0wGi7e5GsjOPVM6fBOgxEBfjeva5PQ7sljzvZdkwcsvWN8r0SDRhTF" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="600" data-original-width="450" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEicjg_yASj5PTORefrhY-leK4IBqvmIvFPACYJoulSmresZm-hb5ovZ0fB6eqFMpmi_1txv2J39Q1YnmtBrphDq3Sdwrv8CkF8bYS8_38guf2-S5ctYsUbq6t63zCFknYBHVc5Q2L0wGi7e5GsjOPVM6fBOgxEBfjeva5PQ7sljzvZdkwcsvWN8r0SDRhTF" width="180" /></a></span></div><span style="font-family: times;">I'm an 8th grade kid with the mind of Einstein and the touch of Michael Jordan. I have many friends including Drexton Clare (because he hates when I say he's my friend). (He's also super confident -Stacy)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEi0c8kBAAmqAK-fMP4qaNl1IOtyfxvR9Sil0BK4sUW0QIQeq7w_9EQiBp8cH9RJgTBiomcFYvl1cEAA7RqadBHA7jXN8UU5-sAhaaDe8fbmQ19CKuU1BFGYym-zHCIJ2TcF_-2_9Tuf37w8lYofmqw89nUu8LL0Prbv6rTA29fQnlGZsxUeMq8pH36soQAw" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="192" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEi0c8kBAAmqAK-fMP4qaNl1IOtyfxvR9Sil0BK4sUW0QIQeq7w_9EQiBp8cH9RJgTBiomcFYvl1cEAA7RqadBHA7jXN8UU5-sAhaaDe8fbmQ19CKuU1BFGYym-zHCIJ2TcF_-2_9Tuf37w8lYofmqw89nUu8LL0Prbv6rTA29fQnlGZsxUeMq8pH36soQAw=w144-h192" width="144" /></a></div></span><p></p><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #202124; letter-spacing: 0.2px; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><span style="font-family: times;">We appreciate how Derek honors his priesthood and helps out even when it isn't his job. We enjoy seeing him lead out and grow into a young man. Derek is always willing to try new things even when it is uncomfortable. He has grown physically so much this year too, he's taller than his mom by a lot now! He can't wait to be out of middle school. He might like to read now that he found Michael Vey books.<br /></span></span></p><h2 style="text-align: left;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhWtoTR_oaxf3fy009GpOwNsvHHaVAWlaAm5vaVa0rfN2kslmBqfgJYkKgzhMfUvlsrUUNTeU4M-fm_NSb51Vj1IUXTviK2Ryp5gUSjJ8VeeAmC4WXjD9WMK1iV-s_LYxZoW5GniIymS-p1U0eR8YJSBEvTsqIQoHtBfEbSOs8cIGXKVjm4nU3l-aygqRj9" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: small;"><img alt="" data-original-height="600" data-original-width="414" height="204" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhWtoTR_oaxf3fy009GpOwNsvHHaVAWlaAm5vaVa0rfN2kslmBqfgJYkKgzhMfUvlsrUUNTeU4M-fm_NSb51Vj1IUXTviK2Ryp5gUSjJ8VeeAmC4WXjD9WMK1iV-s_LYxZoW5GniIymS-p1U0eR8YJSBEvTsqIQoHtBfEbSOs8cIGXKVjm4nU3l-aygqRj9=w141-h204" width="141" /></span></a></div><span style="background-color: white; color: #202124; letter-spacing: 0.2px; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;">Joey</span></span></h2><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #202124; letter-spacing: 0.2px; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><span style="font-family: times;">I played tackle football for the first time and I loved it. I also went to Utah and California. Playing at the park with my friends is what I do everyday. </span></span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #202124; letter-spacing: 0.2px; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><span style="font-family: times;">Stacy wanted to add that he made the choice to be baptized a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints back in January. He looks forward to getting the priesthood this January and joining the youth program at church. He plays percussion in the school band and he is a good friend. He loves both his families fiercely. We are so glad he's a part of our family.</span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #202124; letter-spacing: 0.2px; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><span style="font-family: times;"><br /></span></span></p><h2 style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #202124; letter-spacing: 0.2px; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></h2><h2 style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #202124; letter-spacing: 0.2px; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: small;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgWpiGAIx0IeF2SAgF24dVvdJHlcDx8f9s_E6MzIob15SuIG136TWqSXrxOdxyOogQcu34PmlQt3KTvTwEFvbCf9ECFtpNkUvf_q-hVKJbEh-pFQyQKekigm3bRYiQtnSH-HNUcWmyeyEb0ZaIEq4P_K1WAX5dKEbsB_T3usTUsTIWWOaLUw86_dLoQseHL" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="450" data-original-width="600" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgWpiGAIx0IeF2SAgF24dVvdJHlcDx8f9s_E6MzIob15SuIG136TWqSXrxOdxyOogQcu34PmlQt3KTvTwEFvbCf9ECFtpNkUvf_q-hVKJbEh-pFQyQKekigm3bRYiQtnSH-HNUcWmyeyEb0ZaIEq4P_K1WAX5dKEbsB_T3usTUsTIWWOaLUw86_dLoQseHL" width="320" /></a></div><br /><br /></span></span></h2><h2 style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #202124; letter-spacing: 0.2px; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></h2><h2 style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #202124; letter-spacing: 0.2px; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></h2><h2 style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #202124; letter-spacing: 0.2px; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></h2><h2 style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #202124; letter-spacing: 0.2px; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></h2><h2 style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #202124; letter-spacing: 0.2px; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></h2><h2 style="text-align: center;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #202124; letter-spacing: 0.2px; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;">Ryker</span></span></h2><p><span style="color: #202124; letter-spacing: 0.2px; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><span style="font-family: times;"></span></span></p><div class="separator" style="background-color: #e3e3e3; clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: times;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhRLfRDYTk5PTg5QyeeLSv3dlRqm1UgJ0aFm4c3iHoqFXgz6gHg2DpyE0VRkfjrwvH3Ws-7qEtdtqfQpD4tQJTMxwSHYGcioVAUxsA_K9kr2HXdyxxWveSxhal8eK7bwbhw6fNB7kUZ3M5zw9kIc3jh37DvQzL1_K4S7mMCOZa0C9mRGzJx7ZGjtrcOvcTt" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="600" data-original-width="450" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhRLfRDYTk5PTg5QyeeLSv3dlRqm1UgJ0aFm4c3iHoqFXgz6gHg2DpyE0VRkfjrwvH3Ws-7qEtdtqfQpD4tQJTMxwSHYGcioVAUxsA_K9kr2HXdyxxWveSxhal8eK7bwbhw6fNB7kUZ3M5zw9kIc3jh37DvQzL1_K4S7mMCOZa0C9mRGzJx7ZGjtrcOvcTt" width="180" /></a></span></div><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="background-color: #e3e3e3;"><br /></span><span style="background-color: white;">What can we say about this cute kid? He also chose to be baptized back in January of this year with his brother and we are proud of his decision to follow Jesus. He is crafty and enjoys doing things with his hands. He loves to create art and eat chips. His love language is gift-giving. We adore him even if he drives us crazy sometimes acting like a 10year old, ha ha. </span></span><p></p><p><span style="color: #202124; letter-spacing: 0.2px; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: times;"><br /></span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #202124; letter-spacing: 0.2px; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: times;"><br /></span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #202124; letter-spacing: 0.2px; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: times;"><br /></span></span></span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #202124; font-family: times; font-size: x-large; letter-spacing: 0.2px; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Ben</span></p><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEg73jBDBRi9tLawcxYiNO6Z3kQ_am2kEQDLCqdIgcrIsTxARjL5WfO9iVIWAwXVMZGLtSqlS0YS7gsZ9-cHRV3aYkAcpkYZrM5hZRvHD89AdsVrE6JqmGfvIpQ1qDUE6vtFzXHJYDfjSSsSBPv84OWpUodHtqYx-M9smV_WuDlnsIrnMMogas3T5CC063OU" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="600" data-original-width="592" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEg73jBDBRi9tLawcxYiNO6Z3kQ_am2kEQDLCqdIgcrIsTxARjL5WfO9iVIWAwXVMZGLtSqlS0YS7gsZ9-cHRV3aYkAcpkYZrM5hZRvHD89AdsVrE6JqmGfvIpQ1qDUE6vtFzXHJYDfjSSsSBPv84OWpUodHtqYx-M9smV_WuDlnsIrnMMogas3T5CC063OU" width="237" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjGaHrtQIj_WxaQpEG11hXiSHw7UXt-lQuprZcxngOzMjrRqx5l9UjbzhtHIKa3WGqpLVLlRP2fS2fPqCAkkNcFzgafuXfo5tvy_I2mSNqXF9Ai3S_doepFqAh99f6b7kVIFfrcIyNJ2PPGKz02_1mTyw__RDFqVjH_DViWBnTl4USWy-6xiuZ3A7q_Ukks" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjGaHrtQIj_WxaQpEG11hXiSHw7UXt-lQuprZcxngOzMjrRqx5l9UjbzhtHIKa3WGqpLVLlRP2fS2fPqCAkkNcFzgafuXfo5tvy_I2mSNqXF9Ai3S_doepFqAh99f6b7kVIFfrcIyNJ2PPGKz02_1mTyw__RDFqVjH_DViWBnTl4USWy-6xiuZ3A7q_Ukks" width="180" /></a></div><span style="background-color: white; color: #202124; letter-spacing: 0.2px; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><span style="font-family: times;">2023 was a busy year. Let's see, I am still coaching football and basketball, which might never change. I enjoyed a successful basketball season and enjoyed a rough (we lost a lot) football season. I still had fun with the young men and I hope I was a positive influence on many of them. The Summer months were great. I enjoyed taking the camper out and staying a few nights at Fish Lake in Utah. It was colder than we expected, but were happy in our camper that had a nice heater. Later in the summer, I was able to take three of my sons and go to Southern New Mexico and go golfing. We spent a day golfing in Ruidoso and then another day in Cloud Croft. The golf was great, but the time together was even better. <br /><br /></span></span></div><h2 style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #202124; font-family: times; letter-spacing: 0.2px; white-space-collapse: preserve;">S</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #202124; font-family: times; letter-spacing: 0.2px; white-space-collapse: preserve;">tacy</span></span></h2><p style="text-align: left;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgt8UTCMQ0wbZotL_tfE3LXP861dor7xphHsjGqakA351ki_6tXF9FbmkOtz4a5sbtn24fCXsoM58N3JL_gRh_lUL0IjKTIdBpCv6fgqkwj4ey44MsFF8-Mnqxpwea-CjyDzoiMccG7W7aKbLnOxdxpNoiw5f5SXLsfsrgFOVX2lQxx5svJWvrytPHtATjm" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgt8UTCMQ0wbZotL_tfE3LXP861dor7xphHsjGqakA351ki_6tXF9FbmkOtz4a5sbtn24fCXsoM58N3JL_gRh_lUL0IjKTIdBpCv6fgqkwj4ey44MsFF8-Mnqxpwea-CjyDzoiMccG7W7aKbLnOxdxpNoiw5f5SXLsfsrgFOVX2lQxx5svJWvrytPHtATjm" width="180" /></a></div><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #202124; letter-spacing: 0.2px; white-space-collapse: preserve;">I celebrated the 4th anniversary of the never-ending daily headaches/migraines (and could not be more frustrated about it.) I added ankle pain to the mix and "look forward" to ankle replacement in February (walking will be so nice.) The theme of this year was traveling. I went to Idaho with Anny, Oregon, Utah and North Carolina with Ben, California and Utah with the family, New Mexico and Colorado with my Mom and Texas with my book club (is traveling my love language? Yes.) I also attended a writer's conference in Mesa for a long weekend. I spent way more time writing than ever (yay!) and I have found joy in my calling as Primary President (it took me a few weeks and finishing the primary program to get there). I retired from coaching (tear) but have enjoyed being at home with the kids in the evenings (mostly.) I have thoroughly enjoyed studying conference talks with my Inklings group and a variety of book genres with my book club (nerd alert.) Despite my physical and mental health challenges, life is really good although I didn't go to the river as much as I would have liked (there's always next year) and my hair is super long and annoying me (for now).</span></span><div><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #202124; letter-spacing: 0.2px; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><br /></span></span></div><div><h2 style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #202124; letter-spacing: 0.2px; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><b>Bella!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgZmwUwah1Qb2oPqba23gIwzNAN8xel510xrBroaxvzKih9kQeBPrJMcLGIO_vPH45otmtsYpfVhM1CqH_xYw9Qq4aOVa0pCG5K8S7xna3dGaJn4CvxayKAFSFiusB1hS0pE99TXwzOyqTLbuqpv-9EwkwSSaq9ADcWwMJ36dXxRDrqYhkH3hxxSgS2rhTD" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="600" data-original-width="450" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgZmwUwah1Qb2oPqba23gIwzNAN8xel510xrBroaxvzKih9kQeBPrJMcLGIO_vPH45otmtsYpfVhM1CqH_xYw9Qq4aOVa0pCG5K8S7xna3dGaJn4CvxayKAFSFiusB1hS0pE99TXwzOyqTLbuqpv-9EwkwSSaq9ADcWwMJ36dXxRDrqYhkH3hxxSgS2rhTD" width="180" /></a></div></b></span></span></h2><div><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #202124; letter-spacing: 0.2px; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Bella joined our family this week! After losing Petey almost two years ago, we've been lonely for another pet but it took some time to be ready and then the boys came so I'm glad we waited. With Stacy's surgery coming up soon, she wanted a pet to sit with at home and go out for walks with. We adopted Bella from the Pinal County Animal Shelter. She's four and we decided her birthday is September 13th in honor of Bella Swan from Twilight (OK, maybe Stacy decided that). She has the softest fur and she has a lame right paw so she walks with a limp just like Stacy:) She's very calm and sweet with the kids too. She follows Ben and Stacy around the house all day and enjoys riding in the car. We adore her. </span></span></div><p></p><div><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #202124; letter-spacing: 0.2px; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><br /></span></span><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjCSPBSx9Wpa_RDU_YDGFvH4PXDhpeLoXippoZUSGvuy6J7RlmPU6-E-vBABI-wGJd77c7-4-uziOqk9QwueTxfgGloi_eRYggvnFtFqVpAKa8fudxswPd7WR-AR6MCARIrH9s6syHvm1EvQR1IHi9fXzOXTwKeLNn816k08OBsMqdPe90rWFJ5dn48N6lt" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="2208" data-original-width="1242" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjCSPBSx9Wpa_RDU_YDGFvH4PXDhpeLoXippoZUSGvuy6J7RlmPU6-E-vBABI-wGJd77c7-4-uziOqk9QwueTxfgGloi_eRYggvnFtFqVpAKa8fudxswPd7WR-AR6MCARIrH9s6syHvm1EvQR1IHi9fXzOXTwKeLNn816k08OBsMqdPe90rWFJ5dn48N6lt" width="135" /></a></div></div><div><br /></div><div><span style="background-color: white; color: #202124; letter-spacing: 0.2px; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><span style="font-family: times;">This time of year may be busy and stress always leaks into our lives, but it is also the time to remember that families come first, quality time is important and memories are better than possessions. We love the holiday season so that we can remember that the birth of Christ is important as it started his mission here for us and we are celebrating His life. We are looking forward to 2024 being even better than ever. Our family is forever changing, growing and evolving. Exciting things are always happening. Have a great Holiday Season. - Ben Johnson family</span></span></div></div>Stacyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10907940147526374990noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4929290215422094485.post-17041453098963134822022-12-24T08:25:00.001-07:002022-12-24T08:44:07.167-07:00Merry Christmas 2022<p>I love Christmas letters!</p><p>I feel old fashioned but I love writing them and I love reading them. I love recapping the year and remembering the highlights. I've thought a lot about how to do this but for me, I like doing it by each child so here it goes:</p><p>Vance and Katelynn live in American Fork and work at Vivint in Provo. Vance had a busy year of outdoor running. Katelynn spent the better part of the year growing a baby. She worked three days a week so she could spend two days a week at home with Olivia. Not only did Olivia turn three in November, but she became a big sister to Parker Lynn who was born on the 23rd. We love this sweet addition and can't wait to meet her in person. </p><p>Marly and Hayden spent the year finishing up Hayden's optometry schooling and rotations in Oregon and then Lake Havasu and are currently in Utah before heading to Idaho. It was fun having them close for a while and spending time with them and their cute boys. James turned four in July and Alex turned one in April. They are a Lego-loving, minimalist, traveling family this year and I'm sure they are ready to settle down soon. Marly read 50 books this year!</p><p>Drew and Kaycee had a "quiet" year. Drew finished his Masters's degree in the spring. Brooks turned two in May and Adalynn turned one in September. Drew started working part-time for a restoration company in addition to his AT Still job and goes full-time with them in January. Kaycee finally got her letter of acceptance for nursing school and starts in January. Life is about to get busy for them. </p><p>Skylar and Abby had a HUGE year. They both competed in Track and Field at SVU to finish out their senior year. Abby accepted a scholarship to run at Lenoir-Rhyne University and get her Master's Degree so they moved to Hickory NC in the summer. Skylar is working as an insurance adjustor and they are adjusting to life in a new state. Maybe someday they will live on the same side of the country as the rest of their families. </p><p>Katy has competed several times as a professional bodybuilder. We are so proud of her dedication to her sport. She is building her online personal training business and is working very hard to improve her certifications. She recently moved back to Juneau, Alaska, and loves her new life of wilderness exploring. </p><p>Tawny and Kelsi recently celebrated their one year anniversary together although they dated when they were in high school too. Kelsi graduated this year and they both started school at Chandler-Gilbert Community College. They worked long hours earlier in the year at Mcdonald's and then at Noodles and Co. before taking the month of December off to regroup and decide what to do next for employment. </p><p>Anny is very much into art and friends and Stranger Things (the t.v. show, ha ha). She spends lots of time with her friends just hanging out. She's the president of the drama club at school and very active in the Student Council as well. </p><p>Derek finished his football season and is about to get started on basketball season. Due to some unforeseen circumstances, he did not get a full tryout for football at school and did not make the team but can now focus on basketball. He is currently the deacon's quorum president. He is about to be a teenager on the 26th. </p><p>Joey and Ryker joined our family back in September and will be with us for the foreseeable future. We are smitten and can't see our lives without them now. They came to us quite unexpectedly and someday their story will be made public but for now, it will suffice to say that they were sent to us by angels and I don't know who is being blessed more, them or us. </p><p>They have distinct personalities that we are still getting to know. Joey is 10 (11 in January ) and very much into sports and Legos. He loves basketball and football and wants to be cool like Derek. He doesn't enjoy reading but wants to be obedient so he reads with Ryker and Stacy each night. </p><p>Ryker is a darling 9-year-old who wants to be loved. He struggles with academics and loves all things Pokemon and Legos. He makes friends easily and you can find him running around the neighborhood with all the kids. </p><p>I never thought at this point in my life that our family would be growing, but here we are. We are trying to follow the commandments to minister to those that are in need, but I feel like we are being ministered to more than we are ministering. </p><p>Ben had a huge year of change as he was let go as the men's basketball coach at Combs. It's so hard not to take it personally after all he gave in the 15 or so years he was there. He resigned from teaching at the middle school too. It was a rough spring and summer, trying to regain a sense of purpose. He started Grad Solutions and the timing was actually perfect. He started as a JV assistant football and basketball coach at Queen Creek and that was a blessing as well so he could coach Derek's football team again. </p><p>Stacy continued at her job at Grad Solutions and having Ben work with her has been AMAZING. They both work from home and the flexibility has been a witness to God's hand in all things. It was only a few weeks later that we found out that Joey and Ryker needed a home and were able to take them. I'm not sure we would have been able to, had circumstances been otherwise. Stacy continues to find relief from the headaches that plague her 2-4 times per day but tries to find joy in being a grandma, track coach, teacher, primary teacher, friend, and employee. </p><p>Life has its challenges. When we look toward our Savior to help carry out burdens, those trials can seem lighter, even for a time, while we pick ourselves up and move forward. When we focus on the good, the reason we are here on the earth, things can be put into perspective don't have to seem so bad or hard. </p><p>May we try to remember that Christ is the reason for the Season. May we each strive to have our own personal relationship with Him, not only through the Christmas holiday but throughout the entire year. </p>Stacyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10907940147526374990noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4929290215422094485.post-42695421654963346372022-12-02T17:38:00.000-07:002022-12-02T17:38:02.965-07:00The Headache That Never Ends<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="BLOG_video_class" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/0U2zJOryHKQ" width="320" youtube-src-id="0U2zJOryHKQ"></iframe></div><p><br /></p><p>Will it ever end? I've stopped wondering actually. I'm trying to live life as if they are here to stay so my new goal is to #suckitup like I always tell my kids. </p><p>My most recent hypothesis was spurred on by a class I was taking as part of the Professional Development that my company offered. We were given the opportunity to take a class through <a href="https://aztrauma.org/" target="_blank">Arizona Trauma Institute</a>. It was a class called Trauma and Resilience Life Coaching and it was AMAZING. There was a lot of sciience and stuff to learn about in the beginning but if I had to explain my takeaway in one sentence, it would be this:</p><p>Trauma and Toxic Stress can look the same and when a person experiences one of them, their body sometimes reacts with physiological responses that affect behavior and THIS IS NORMAL.<span> </span></p><p><span> The critical part of that is that it is a normal reaction</span>. While it is and will be incredibly helpful to my job as a teacher of students in an <a href="https://www.iwantmydiploma.com/">online high school</a>, it also became very personal. </p><p>For many of the exercises that we participated in, we studied our own responses to trauma and stress and how we dealt with them in the past, and how we can react in healthier ways going forward.</p><p>While my job as a teacher in public school was stressful, it was also a time in my life where coaching, going to school, parenting adults, teens and children simultaneously, grandparenting, church, social life, and all the other parts of life, even though they were good, added to that stress. After five years of that kind of stress, my physical and mental health basically gave up. My body had a physiological response; anxiety and depression. </p><p>For the last several months, I have been working off the hypothesis that maybe my headaches were also a symptom of the stress I was under. My anxiety and depression are mostly under control so I focused on my headaches. </p><p>Every time I felt a headache come on (they were every day, sometimes twice), I would give myself permission to either go through a series of breathing exercises or stretching and if it was a bad enough headache, I gave myself permission to take a nap.</p><p>The headaches started three years ago so I don't imagine they will just go away with a few naps, but this time of relaxing and giving myself permission to take care of myself was HUGE. It came at the same time that we welcome two sweet boys into our care who need a lot of attention. I keep reminding myself that this was no coincidence #Godisinthedetails, but I digress. </p><p>I'm also a realist and am finally giving in to the conclusion that I may need some medications to help the process along so I can function in the meantime. I found a new neurologist and she is wonderful!! She is a DO so she is helping me get to the root but treating the headaches at the same time. Our new hypothesis is Ictal Headaches, which are a type of seizure but not the kind you normally think of. They could still be migraines so this medicine is more preventative for migraines or chronic headaches for unknown reasons.</p><p>Because I'm finally ready to start medicines again, she asked if I would like to try a steroid for three days to see if a punch in the "brain" was an option, in case it is an inflammation issue. Since it is a three-day course, I agreed. She said that if it works, it will start working immediately. I took my first giant dose at noon today and no headache. I'm not getting my hopes up, I sometimes go 24 hours without one and I already had one this morning so there's that. </p><p>If I don't have a headache by Monday, or they are less severe or less often, I might be cured. #hallelujah If not (my hopes are very low), I have a new prescription ready to pick up on Monday morning, called Topamax. I'm worried about side effects from this medication so if you're inclined to say a little prayer for me, I want the steroid to work, ha ha.</p><p>If you are still reading, I love you. Thanks for being a part of my headache journey. </p>Stacyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10907940147526374990noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4929290215422094485.post-49802723065003090072022-07-14T13:10:00.001-07:002022-07-14T13:10:43.666-07:00Summer Goals Anny had a great idea to plan our summer around the youth goal setting pattern. You can find more about that <a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/personal-development-youth-guidebook?lang=eng" target="_blank">HERE</a>. It has been nice knowing that each day there was a plan (or at least we tried.) <div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEg4hvsgBjhQ0qIIUWYRzABhJpN8Dv0NKjHgNHgDyvr-Wrd9TzrkrJ-fXIvtUIXBhN8fevry6uhxRZb346W9GAQcoVYlJ83fFptfKyJDKLjOxt50cYLrXgdEnTGP5hs3DilRuHyXf6iJJVJNkae-SvxQMT4-mgQ9oUekoyOntM1EmG7q-HEXCaplkp5D9w" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img data-original-height="640" data-original-width="544" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEg4hvsgBjhQ0qIIUWYRzABhJpN8Dv0NKjHgNHgDyvr-Wrd9TzrkrJ-fXIvtUIXBhN8fevry6uhxRZb346W9GAQcoVYlJ83fFptfKyJDKLjOxt50cYLrXgdEnTGP5hs3DilRuHyXf6iJJVJNkae-SvxQMT4-mgQ9oUekoyOntM1EmG7q-HEXCaplkp5D9w=w272-h320" title="Paddle boarding at the river" width="272" /></a></div><br /></div><div>We picked a day for each of the areas of improvement; physical, social, spiritual and intellectual. Some of our plans worked out easily and others didn't go so well. Sometimes we combined plans to make them work. </div><div><br /><br /></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEh0hJCP-uebzdsvKlVNsO1juUsnx8BcMazXdShE8La_5GWKRDoMil6l13IMJ06Eb3G6UYNzwjQEhr_AqmEspxXpzrEgbS1JvzBpVW22pve06CkCPDEQVVXap_0-Xu_eELzm7s6SkJtPLxcCkvu8DK5hsVS7fQvrp45FoT94meFdDZSeX1_Ec-aKxV2-8A" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="640" data-original-width="480" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEh0hJCP-uebzdsvKlVNsO1juUsnx8BcMazXdShE8La_5GWKRDoMil6l13IMJ06Eb3G6UYNzwjQEhr_AqmEspxXpzrEgbS1JvzBpVW22pve06CkCPDEQVVXap_0-Xu_eELzm7s6SkJtPLxcCkvu8DK5hsVS7fQvrp45FoT94meFdDZSeX1_Ec-aKxV2-8A" width="180" /></a></div>For example, the physical days were hard (you thought that would be easy for us didn't you?) Going to the pool took a quick detour when our grandson broke his leg and was in a cast. It's too hot to do much more than go swimming, but we tried. On our vacations, we did a lot of walking and hiking. As for myself, I spent a lot of time on the river. Would you believe that I could get almost 60 minutes of exercise paddling my arms and walking to and from the car? Ben and I walked almost every day before Derek and Anny would wake up.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhuUB2PZIu5noM0kRklhmXluQJRAoRhhfpL9Nmk1p6A7mTu0kHU9GAQm4OQhMpADKsFcxDZsudmEwONgeHc2qyu3YpErw0sl_T7TLSgbNH0ZPewgRt-esGVmk6arnAQ1PzgEnMAfrGig8ZsDh4KF-c3xAEpRhC97QPqDOrwFHncUGwQpOpRiMLCZLYK3g" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="640" data-original-width="480" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhuUB2PZIu5noM0kRklhmXluQJRAoRhhfpL9Nmk1p6A7mTu0kHU9GAQm4OQhMpADKsFcxDZsudmEwONgeHc2qyu3YpErw0sl_T7TLSgbNH0ZPewgRt-esGVmk6arnAQ1PzgEnMAfrGig8ZsDh4KF-c3xAEpRhC97QPqDOrwFHncUGwQpOpRiMLCZLYK3g" width="180" /><br /></a></div><br /><br /></div><div>Intellectual was probably the hardest for Derek because he said he hated to read. We decided that was going to be trips to the library each week. To make up for it, he watched a lot of history videos on youtube, lol. Anny and I did A LOT of reading this summer and I think Ben got some reading in as well but for Derek, it was simply painful. He finally found a book he was interested in and got halfway through it and that was after I told him I would pay him! We tried. </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><img alt="" data-original-height="600" data-original-width="800" height="184" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjosht5TZMc5zWIl1kpDecaOp21v_1zD3FEE2kDLHzOvNilSedARGX1_1_PAtwsE7hyNhO44Porrr8p0ANnt8Il6I95-vy4PymEj0R6UZibJ4mlxVrQXXneQUDSBFFWhKO6epApe1a84qJrnS6GTv45GuJodBrlm_xXmICy1xMWrPj_86fZET6BfqN6xA=w246-h184" width="246" /></div><div>Temple Thursdays were my favorite. If we couldn't schedule baptisms for the kids, they babysat the grandkids so the adults could go to the temple. We made it to the temple almost every Thursday except while at our stake trek. We even got to go to the Snowflake temple and do baptisms there. We ran into our former Stake Ppresident, President Lawes, so that was an unexpected surprise!</div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjosht5TZMc5zWIl1kpDecaOp21v_1zD3FEE2kDLHzOvNilSedARGX1_1_PAtwsE7hyNhO44Porrr8p0ANnt8Il6I95-vy4PymEj0R6UZibJ4mlxVrQXXneQUDSBFFWhKO6epApe1a84qJrnS6GTv45GuJodBrlm_xXmICy1xMWrPj_86fZET6BfqN6xA" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjosht5TZMc5zWIl1kpDecaOp21v_1zD3FEE2kDLHzOvNilSedARGX1_1_PAtwsE7hyNhO44Porrr8p0ANnt8Il6I95-vy4PymEj0R6UZibJ4mlxVrQXXneQUDSBFFWhKO6epApe1a84qJrnS6GTv45GuJodBrlm_xXmICy1xMWrPj_86fZET6BfqN6xA" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhmJmhtkIMIt7UPP52rJBTkx7WNaxewJ7u60H7xclR5yQWVaO9SzXw4U1_9LilhoQsagf-S1TxIy-EVo0nTgMGGl2ypAtYY81eTBzEBVnEuBFmo-f9pi89CnLBEHLUaSPd3A6ON6Qx3jUJyZyepoBx86TK-_pDQyO5O-GiOqXyGT0ugjcrO53r1ki2aUQ" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="800" data-original-width="771" height="208" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhmJmhtkIMIt7UPP52rJBTkx7WNaxewJ7u60H7xclR5yQWVaO9SzXw4U1_9LilhoQsagf-S1TxIy-EVo0nTgMGGl2ypAtYY81eTBzEBVnEuBFmo-f9pi89CnLBEHLUaSPd3A6ON6Qx3jUJyZyepoBx86TK-_pDQyO5O-GiOqXyGT0ugjcrO53r1ki2aUQ=w201-h208" width="201" /></a> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjJp26bYun5AASgs7OuFQc6Iltm5OFT7J7Qq3d6EfbujiFD7zbb0VYaw0n0ke1LHp_d3fYDmL4_9p-7QdPAlkusKhIyX4ucCYUoPJhGVLBcAWwxo_U2y_go66amI0GNqI1JTeQ8gl8w2WDkOc7VGzoBX0KT0m7RYngb_gA5t55gjWwjoLAOM92Pj0VeRQ" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="480" height="206" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjJp26bYun5AASgs7OuFQc6Iltm5OFT7J7Qq3d6EfbujiFD7zbb0VYaw0n0ke1LHp_d3fYDmL4_9p-7QdPAlkusKhIyX4ucCYUoPJhGVLBcAWwxo_U2y_go66amI0GNqI1JTeQ8gl8w2WDkOc7VGzoBX0KT0m7RYngb_gA5t55gjWwjoLAOM92Pj0VeRQ=w206-h206" width="206" /></a><br /><span style="text-align: left;">Social was going to be game nights with friends and family. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't. On our vacations, we were VERY social with each other. Other than that, the kids did hang out with friends but it was non-specific and that's ok too. Sometimes hanging out is better than a plan. We often doubled up on other activities to include the social. When we went to the temple, we always invited people to join us. We took friends to the library and swimming too. I always went to the river with friends. </span></div></div></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Stacyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10907940147526374990noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4929290215422094485.post-43604295802153237842022-06-27T18:17:00.001-07:002022-06-27T18:17:00.160-07:00I Love Being a Woman<p>I feel eternally grateful to have been born a woman. I feel like my opinion is unpopular at times, but spending time this weekend learning more about the journey of Joseph Smith and the restoration of the gospel of Jesus Christ has caused me to reflect on how much value I have as a woman, especially a woman in the LDS church. </p><p>During our trek this week, we watched several re-enactments or vignettes portraying major events that took place after Joseph Smith prayed to know what church he should join. It was touching and thought-provoking as we considered ourselves witnesses to these events and were given questions to think about and ponder on our own. </p><p>My favorite vignette was actually a video about Emma Smith, Joseph's wife, and the struggles and trials she endured as she supported her husband and her faith in the Lord. I sobbed as I thought about how much she must have felt when her parents didn't support her marriage and as she lost babies to sickness and disease. How terrifying it must have been to watch her husband tarred and feathered, ridiculed and mocked and eventually killed for his belief. </p><p><br /></p>Stacyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10907940147526374990noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4929290215422094485.post-61359137586299725982022-06-19T18:08:00.006-07:002022-06-19T18:08:41.021-07:00Three Months Post Op; The Headache Saga <p>It's been three months since my nose surgery to alleviate the headaches. I'm down to one per day still, sometimes two. I notice that dehydration, lack of sleep, and dryness (in my nose) are headache triggers. I now sleep with a humidifier and carry around a saline mist bottle that I attempt to use discreetly. If you ever see me without my water bottle, ask me where it is. My goal is to get 100oz per day but I'm allowing myself one 44oz diet Pepsi per day too for my sanity.</p><p>The ENT is still confident these headaches are nasal related. Our next working theory is allergies. I've been to the allergist to be tested. I'm moderately allergic to everything in our AZ air so that's super helpful or not. I've been on a prescription nasal spray for about a month now. That doesn't seem to help as much as we hoped, so tomorrow I will start adding another prescription spray and pray for the best. </p><p>I'll also start the food journal again soon. The allergy testing did not include foods because guess what? Insurance doesn't cover that. I've struggled with finding anything that seemed to trigger a reaction in the past so I may have to get very specific about eliminating things for several weeks before I see any results. With summer here, and all our traveling, I didn't want to add any more stress.</p><p>Thank you to those who have asked about them. I appreciate it. </p><p><br /></p>Stacyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10907940147526374990noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4929290215422094485.post-23820948991871285742022-04-24T20:04:00.003-07:002022-04-24T20:04:54.737-07:00One Month Later and The Real Bloody Nose Story<p>Today marks one-month post-surgery. I'm still glad I did it although there have been a few days that I have not been glad. </p><p>The headaches are better. I only have about one per day and generally, the pain level is much lower than it used to be. I'll take it. But why am I still having them? That's the question we still need an answer to. I did have a friend suggest that I could be having rebound headaches. I went cold turkey off my Tylenol and ibuprofen and two days later I had the bloody nose from hell. I mentioned it to my doctor and he said he didn't think that was the cause so I'll never know. </p><p>My nose is still tender and painful but I'm allowed to blow it again (who thought I would be excited about that?). I am still taking the migraine medicine Gabapentin but I don't think it is working and I hate it. I'll admit that I'm now paranoid to take Tylenol or Ibuprofen and during the day, I often try to wait the headache out before I take one Naproxen and that seems to be all I need. </p><p>I'm still on my anxiety medicine but even that seems to be not needed so I'll be speaking to my Dr. about weaning off of that in the next few months and see how it goes. That is another story for another day.</p><p>I did get some congestion earlier this week and on the days I took some Sudafed all day, I didn't have any headaches. The three days I didn't think I needed to take the sudafed, I had an off-the-charts headache at work and then two fairly bad ones over the next two days, similar to pre-surgery. I am now wondering what is up with that? I did try different allergy medicines pre-surgery so I'm not sure. I have both a neuro and an ENT follow-up in May. That's where we are at. </p><p>I'm so appreciative of those who have reached out to check on me and/or have prayed for me. I feel like in between headaches, I'm almost back to my old self. When I have a headache, it is pretty obvious. Unless you know I'm struggling with this, you might not even think there was anything wrong with me:)</p><p>Because this is my journal, I wanted to make sure to document what really happened that morning I had a bloody nose. Trigger alert - If you don't like blood and gross stuff, don't read the rest of the story. </p><p>I woke around 3:15 after coughing for much of the night. I went to the bathroom and gently blew my nose and had a gush of fresh blood. I went to the other room so as to not wake Ben and I lay on the couch pinching my nose to get it to stop. I slept very little for the next several hours propped up on some pillows on the couch pinching my nose.. </p><p>I made my way back to the bedroom around 7am and told Ben what was happening. I told him we needed to call my Dr. and ask what to do. The doctor on call told me to try some nose spray. I leaned over the sink and tried to spray it up but the blood was running so fast, there ended up being a huge bloody mess in the bathroom, it looked like a crime scene with all the bloody towels. I was told that if in an hour it hadn't stopped, I would need to go to the ER. As I cleaned up my face, I thought it was strange that there was blood above my eye and on the side of it but I wiped it clean and went downstairs. </p><p>Drew came over and he and Ben offered me a priesthood blessing. I was told that the bleeding would stop that day. This brought me much relief as I was starting to panic. At the ER, I actually got back surprisingly quickly. The triage doctor gave me a clip to hold my nose shut and told me I just needed to plug it in the right place. I may have rolled my eyes but I put that clip on my nose and went back to the waiting room. In there, I began to choke and cough up some of the blood. I didn't realize that as it was coagulating in my nose, it was dripping down my throat and gagging/choking me. </p><p>I got back to a room within a minute of my choking issue and as I plugged my nose shut, more and more blood would choke me and I felt like my head was going to explode because of the amount of blood. They also told me not to swallow it because then I would become nauseous and make things worse. Too late. There was too much. I tried to keep my head down and let the blood run out my mouth but it was causing too much coughing and choking again. </p><p>They tried squirting a medication up my nose and that didn't work either. As I sat there plugging my nose, I finally had to close my eyes and "rest" from all the panic of not being able to breathe. By "rest," I meant I wanted everything to end because I think in the back of my mind, I was going to die from choking on my blood or running out of it. </p><p>He asked Ben for the number of my ENT so he could call and ask what needed to be done. Ben later told me that as I lay there with my eyes closed, the blood had nowhere to go so it started coming out of my right eyeball. It got all swollen big and when the Dr. touched it, the blood went everywhere, down my face and neck and all over the bed. That explained the blood around my eye before we even left for the hospital earlier. </p><p>At this point, the Dr. realized that something needed to be done. The risk of stuffing something up my nose and ruining all the work from the surgery was a big risk and this was definitely the last resort as he was very nervous about doing that. </p><p>When the blood started coming out my eye, the Dr. decided it was time to plug up the nose with a tampon-like thing that had an expander on it. It was about 3" long. There was no time to wait for the doctor to give permission, it was a risk we agreed needed to be taken. The pain of having that stuffed up my nose was so intense, that I cried out loud for several moments before the procedure was done. It was so painful to my nose still tender from surgery and the fact that it was HUGE to begin with and then they added air to expand it. </p><p>I remember being embarrassed that I was being so dramatic about it but I truly thought I was living an episode of Chicago Med. I was confident they were going to have to put me out and do some drastic procedure on me only to discover that I had some rare disease that I was going to die from. Then, Dr. Halstead would come up with some random cure and I would go home the next day.</p><p>Anyway, I had to keep that tube up my nose for almost two days. My ENT called me on Monday morning and told me that he would like it in there for three days. I told him I couldn't take it for two more days and he relented and gave me an appointment on Tuesday morning first thing. </p><p>At my appointment on Tuesday, he removed the tube, and much to my surprise, no more bleeding. He went in and cauterized the spot that had been bleeding. It was the air pocket he had fixed in the surgery. Thankfully, the ER doctor did the right thing to stop the bleeding and there was also no damage to my nose. I did get some of the cauterization liquid on the outside rim of my nose and it looked like I had a giant bugar coming out for a week or so. I was just happy the problem was fixed. </p><p>If I ever have a bloody nose again, it will be too soon. That was one of the most traumatic events of my life and I'd rather have 8 more kids than go through that again. </p>Stacyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10907940147526374990noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4929290215422094485.post-77867462695989121872022-03-13T15:20:00.007-07:002022-03-13T15:20:54.130-07:00Headache Update<p>I went to a neurologist a few weeks ago and he started me on a medicine called Gabapentin. <a href="https://medlineplus.gov/druginfo/meds/a694007.html#side-effects" target="_blank">Here's a link</a> to information about it if you're interested. In a nutshell, it is a seizure medicine that also appears to work on pain, specifically migraines and diabetic conditions. The side effects of this medicine are unfortunate. I have constant mild nausea and an upset stomach right after taking the medicine. Sometimes I feel like my eyes are working but in slow motion and I don't know how to explain it except that it's kinda like vertigo but not as debilitating. </p><p>The worst symptom is the short term memory loss. I was talking to a friend at my front door the other day and she asked what happened to the tree that used to be in my neighbor's front yard. I explained about it being cut down and how maybe soon I would fix the (this is where I forgot the word) "water thing that spits out the top because the things that fell out of the tree won't clog it anymore". Any guesses what I was trying to explain? The fountain in my front yard. The needles that fell from the tree clogged our fountain so much we stopped using it many years ago. I even pointed at it and couldn't come up with the word. Oy. This side effect bothers me the most. </p><p>It seems to be working as it has reduced the number of killer headaches per day. The ones that get in the pain range of 6-10. Hallelujah, I'm having less of them, we're down to about 2 per week. I was given another prescription called Ubrelva to control them. I went to the pharmacy to pick it up and the cash price for 10 pills was $1035. That's over $100 dollars per pill. Fortunately, my insurance picked up the tab for the first 10 pills. I don't know that it will happen again so I've used them sparingly. If I know I can sleep it off, I do that. If I can't, I take one. I have one of those pills left. </p><p>While the excruciating painful episodes have been less often, the dull and mostly constant pain has increased. I truly don't know what is worse except that hopefully, we are moving in the right direction with treating the headaches. In working with my ENT doctor, we went ahead and scheduled a <a href="https://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/septoplasty/about/pac-20384670#:~:text=Septoplasty%20(SEP%2Dtoe%2Dplas,known%20as%20a%20deviated%20septum.">septoplasty surgery</a> later this month. It is outpatient and I should be back to normal quickly. I keep telling people I'm getting a nose job but I think I like my nose so I hope it doesn't change the shape of it too much, lol. </p><p>While I'm glad there is hope that the combination of surgery and medication will treat my issues, my anxiety and depression symptoms continue to increase. When I feel a headache starting, my chest tightens often in the fear that a major headache is on its way. I clench my jaw and neck and I'm working on trying to stay relaxed as possible when it happens. If you want to give me a neck massage, I'm always ready. </p><p>I appreciate all the kind words and prayers. I know this is minor compared to so much of the struggling going on around me. I am so grateful for friends and family who listen to me complain and take care of me. I am blessed. </p>Stacyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10907940147526374990noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4929290215422094485.post-22819822446132697092022-02-16T07:56:00.000-07:002022-02-16T07:56:05.861-07:00New Year New Goals<p><span style="font-family: arial;">I'm a goal setter, I have always been. I remember my first taste of setting goals was when I turned 12 and I entered the Young Women program at church. We had to set like two goals per month, some little and some bigger. It was really hard but I would sit with my parents or my leader and decide what I needed to work on for that month (or longer for bigger goals). I loved it! I would crank out goals like a mad woman!</span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhj5HAZLykfutmEsv7z6__IVJ7-3fMFxB9rxs5oAMAADJ1CSt8ArmQpYbUpSudg2v5Lf2_j2RyBn2j-aSzH5lnf5CyfNpKX9SqgGN5LJ4ayZp_zOORSPGwZwwiVw_FvpMs2QbwRPK4MmsZ_/" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img alt="Image from ebay" data-original-height="2684" data-original-width="1983" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhj5HAZLykfutmEsv7z6__IVJ7-3fMFxB9rxs5oAMAADJ1CSt8ArmQpYbUpSudg2v5Lf2_j2RyBn2j-aSzH5lnf5CyfNpKX9SqgGN5LJ4ayZp_zOORSPGwZwwiVw_FvpMs2QbwRPK4MmsZ_/w148-h200/image.png" title="Image from ebay" width="148" /></a></span></div><p><span style="font-family: arial;">We had to do a certain number of goals and to earn the Young Women Medallion. I know I had mine a few years ago so it's probably somewhere in my stash of jewelry. I actually finished the program for the second time back in 2020. The program has changed even more since then but I'm so grateful for a lifetime of setting goals. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;">One of the important parts of setting goals is to write them down, otherwise they are just dreams. Some goals like getting better at reading/studying my scriptures and saying my prayers are goals that I constantly need to work on. I've written them down and even though I set them every year, I need to continually work on them. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;">I have three big goals this year which I've also broken down into manageable goals by the month/week and day. Here they are:</span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;">1 - My intellectual goal is to write 75,000 words this year. Most of this will be in the form of a book which I hope to have finished by September, when I pitch it at my writer's conference. This is 6250 words a month, 1442 words per week and 205 words per day. I'm focusing on a weekly goal because writing daily is often too much. When I do sit down, I'm usually able to pull out a week's worth in two days or so. I think this goal is manageable while working full time, coaching, and being a mother, wife and Grandma. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;">2 - I'm working on my physical self this year too. I hope to walk/run 1000 miles. Having a strong physical body has been difficult with all my headaches. I've put on a ton of weight and I feel terrible most of the time. <span style="background-color: white; color: #202124;">“Exercise gives </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #202124;">you endorphins.</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #202124;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #202124;">Endorphins make you happy.</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #202124;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #202124;">Happy people just don't kill their husbands</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #202124;">, they just don't.” LEGALLY BLONDE. Not that it would ever even cross my mind, but this goal will help both of us I suppose. </span></span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #202124;"><span style="font-family: arial;">I want to feel good about myself again and exercise always does that for me. My friend equated going to the gym as taking an anti-depressant. I agree! I'm always happy after I make it to the gym. Also, Petey, my dog has gained weight right along with me so he and I will be walking partners as we shed those pounds. That comes to 83 miles per month, 19 miles per week and 3 miles per day. That's totally doable. We also cleaned up the treadmill for those mornings that are too cold and afternoons that are too hot. Going to the gym and lifting is a bonus.</span></span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #202124; font-family: arial;">3 - Self care has become increasingly important to me. My new job allows me the chance to set work aside at the end of the day (for the most part) and take care of myself and my family. I couldn't do that at my other job. I love reading more than Diet Pepsi and I'm so grateful for my Kindle that allows me to read in the middle of the night when I can't sleep. I may only read one chapter before my eyes get heavy, but it's perfect. I also love the smell of printed pages so I have a book downstairs I read from during the day. I would like to read 25 books this year. I think this goal is easily achieved. I set it somewhat low because in the last 5 years I think I've read 10 total books. I WAS EVEN IN A BOOK CLUB AND RARELY STARTED OR FINISHED THE BOOK!!</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #202124; font-family: arial;"> This is just over two books per month. For January, I've already read three. I'll also be blogging about the books (see goal #1). </span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #202124; font-family: arial;"></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibMaMwwh2OergbNCohPLh4EKthysUL6LsD1xqNPG1nLP1PG9BcjQHKkgCwD3Y04OScgoQKXAEzpG1QjVfIHErT_ngKQ11SIKWkL2LTMLtbdYbvQLS3k-WBlzIigH8if4zr8FZdcE39fa6z/" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="1031" data-original-width="1242" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibMaMwwh2OergbNCohPLh4EKthysUL6LsD1xqNPG1nLP1PG9BcjQHKkgCwD3Y04OScgoQKXAEzpG1QjVfIHErT_ngKQ11SIKWkL2LTMLtbdYbvQLS3k-WBlzIigH8if4zr8FZdcE39fa6z/" width="289" /></a></div>I just love setting goals. Even if I don't get to my goal, I've still done more than had I not set the goal. I used to tell my students, It's better to shoot for the stars because even if you land on the moon, you've still LANDED ON THE MOON! and that's pretty great. <br /><p></p>Stacyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10907940147526374990noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4929290215422094485.post-17058537600686898062022-02-14T20:32:00.003-07:002022-02-16T07:49:53.205-07:00Tender Mercies During the Saga of the Headaches from Hell<p>The saga of the mysterious headaches continue. We are now in year two, month four. To recap, they are focused completely on the left upper corner of my nose/eye. They have progressively gotten worse over time and I generally suffer from 1-4 debilitating episodes per day. These are the kind that make me cry and lay on my bed for 90-120 minutes until it goes away. Those are on the pain scale of 8-10. I do have a day here and there when I only have one episode that gets to pain level 5-6 and I can work through them. I am in a constant state of pain level 2-3 most of the day. </p><p>Thank you for your sweet attempts to offer suggestions for relief. If you suggested it, I bet I've tried it. I've been to all sorts of specialists and taken all sorts of medicines, natural and otherwise. At this point, the only thing that truly works is Tylenol Mega Extra Strength and I'm at my max dosage per day. I spread out the Ibuprofin in between Tylenol doses and it keeps the pain at a tolerable level. </p><p>I'm also taking Proplanalol that is supposed to work on high blood pressure, anxiety and migraines. I only take 20mg per day and while it might be working, I'm not convinced it is helping the headaches. I'm not actually sure these are migraines. I'm staying on it because maybe it is helping with my increased anxiety over this whole situation. So much guessing. Update: Saw the nerurologist and he changed the medicine to Gabapentin. No more proplanalol. Time will tell. </p><p>My most recent ENT doctor scheduled a CT scan a few weeks ago where we discovered that not only do I have a broken nose but I have a bone spur that may be impeding on the broken part of my nose and that might be the reason for the headaches. Maybe. More guessing. That surgery is forthcoming. I never knew I was so high maintenance that I would require a nose job but here I am, demanding it. </p><p>Two weeks ago, I had hit my emotional and mental state of being overwhelmed. I literally can't stop the chest pains that signal my max capacity to function. In speaking to my best friend Kristine, I suggested that maybe I need to get back on my meds for anxiety and depression. Besides Ben, she was the only person I told. All I wanted to do was sleep and cry. I did that regularly. Thank heavens for pre-season track practice which forced me to get up and leave the house as well as going to work at the HUB one day per week. </p><p>Last week, I was feeling sorry for myself and waiting for my new prescription to start working (it takes about a week or so to feel any difference with most anxiety/depression meds). I decided I needed to focus on the good in my life and look for my joy. Family is a given as my purest form of joy and I'm so appreciative of the Facetime calls from my kids and grandkids but four additional things happened that seem sort of miraculous to me and helped me remember that Heavenly Father continues to be aware of me. </p><p>First tender mercy. I told my friend about needing to see the doctor on a Tuesday. I texted the office right then and they were able to get me in on Thursday night at 6:30pm. What doctor keeps those late hours? Mine. When I got to the appointment, Fiona asked all her questions then put her notes down and just listened to me. </p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjJIDI_4uDRF071mdX8W8lMfQuL0-f-h21v-F4SOtf3SGVINClMr3WW7-lSwZ9kBzsFptn6peQTkgvoqFeDKXxQO9Eyx_K9huQ-sPPfcOKnyW8TzZnvf5x_PZm7yY1154uF_TvEwXb0m-NFQsIzpjrrXwkIsIS30TDsrUSro2CaLrwNRMqPLpeECGunPg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="600" data-original-width="278" height="368" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjJIDI_4uDRF071mdX8W8lMfQuL0-f-h21v-F4SOtf3SGVINClMr3WW7-lSwZ9kBzsFptn6peQTkgvoqFeDKXxQO9Eyx_K9huQ-sPPfcOKnyW8TzZnvf5x_PZm7yY1154uF_TvEwXb0m-NFQsIzpjrrXwkIsIS30TDsrUSro2CaLrwNRMqPLpeECGunPg=w198-h368" width="198" /></a></div>She asked more questions then listened some more. <p></p><p>She handed me a tissue when the tears came. </p><p>She gave me a prescription. </p><p>She asked me to come back in two weeks so she could check on me in person. </p><p>I needed her medical expertise but I needed her empathy and compassion even more. </p><p>Second tender mercy. I was assigned a new student who needs some one on one tutoring and wanted it pretty quickly. I set up an appointment at our Mesa office for just a few days later. We worked together and after about 90 minutes, she left. I had a few extra minutes before track practice so I kept working alone in this small office. A colleague saw me and didn't just say hello, he came in, pulled out a chair and sat across from me and looked me in the eyes. </p><p>He genuinely asked about my family and waited for my answer. He doesn't even know my family. </p><p>He asked me how I was doing. </p><p>He listened. </p><p>I didn't now how much I needed someone to check on me that day and maybe he didn't know either, but he asked. Did he do that on purpose? I'm not sure if he felt prompted or not, but he answered a prayer he didn't know I was praying. </p><p>Third tender mercy. Track season has begun. Last year at this time, this was my saving grace. Besides going home to be with Ben and getting in bed, this was the one part of my day I truly looked forward to. Fast forward to this year and I'm equally as excited to be back with my team. Day one, one of my athletes ran to me and practically knocked me to the ground with a bear hug. </p><p>She noticed I was there. </p><p>She showed me she was glad I was back. </p><p>She told me she was so glad to see me. </p><p>We both happened to be wearing camo leggings and she pointed out to everyone that we were twins. My heart melted and although I didn't cry (thank you modern medicine), I wanted to cry happy tears. She made my day. </p><p>Fourth tender mercy. I had put a request on social media to borrow a t-shirt for my alma mater for an event. A friend from childhood couldn't fill that particular request but said she had a different t-shirt for me and when I was in the area, I needed to drop by so she could get it to me. I didn't have the slightest clue what t-shirt this could be but she said I would understand when I picked it up. </p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhZmc3WBu5CCe6xXX2udv6dgytHgrA8vDfREYDEU5QHCBONAI6HA700hsqSICgXdm3AuYTXoZuyfLO4gujAuyTVDT7oB16-4xnlVIJ6l7SswcNQJ9dIUOsxlNCIXUtv-ypLfi6OBhj7DuBiLTtJpL0ItNoJBI3_qkRulweGuupyVnuNguZwBNhZAwm5cA" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="600" data-original-width="450" height="296" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhZmc3WBu5CCe6xXX2udv6dgytHgrA8vDfREYDEU5QHCBONAI6HA700hsqSICgXdm3AuYTXoZuyfLO4gujAuyTVDT7oB16-4xnlVIJ6l7SswcNQJ9dIUOsxlNCIXUtv-ypLfi6OBhj7DuBiLTtJpL0ItNoJBI3_qkRulweGuupyVnuNguZwBNhZAwm5cA=w222-h296" width="222" /></a></div>She took the time to reach out to me. <p></p><p>She texted kind words. It wasn't what she said, it was the fact that she said it. She said nice things. We all want to hear nice things. She texted them. </p><p>She wanted to hug me! I'm no hugger but when someone says they want to hug me, I let them. </p><p>She remembered something about me. Most people know I love Rocky movies. (I actually watched Rocky 2 on Saturday while I folded laundry, big surprise to my family.) She had a Rocky shirt that no longer served her but she knew I would appreciate it. When I changed my clothes to go to practice today, you can bet I wore it. It's now one of my favorite shirts.<br /></p><p>None of these events were earth shattering but I want to point out that during a very difficult week, I found joy and comfort through small acts of kindness. Most likely, none of these people have any idea of the effect they had on me the last week but it is a good reminder of two things:</p><p>1 - When you look for the good, you will find it. Same rule applies to looking for the bad. I'm choosing good. </p><p>2 - No act of kindness is ever too small. </p><p>If you are still reading, you've now done me another small service by reading this. Thank you for that. </p>Stacyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10907940147526374990noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4929290215422094485.post-34811703081782345462022-01-17T15:53:00.000-07:002022-01-17T15:53:05.118-07:00Book Reviews<p>I've been reading more lately (self care) and I wanted to share my reads with you (I'm also leaving reviews on some sites for the authors too). </p><p><span style="font-size: medium;"><b>The Bookseller of Daschau by Shari J. Ryan</b></span></p><p>I loved this book. She was able to weave two stories into one and I'm always captivated by a writer's ability to do that. Germany, 1940 - Matilda and Hans are young and discover they are in love, unfortunately, all Jewish people are being taken from their homes. In an attempt to protect Hans, she hides him in her closet until the safety of their own family makes Matilda's parents choose their own safety and Hans is taken away. Sadly, that's not the end of Matilda's suffering.</p><p>In America, 2018, Grace has found out she has inherited a bookstore in Dachau, Germany but has no idea who has given it to her. She drops everything and travels to Germany and the story unravels. Ryan did a great job of keeping me on the edge of my seat at every chapter. I loved the hope and love that Matilda and Hans showed for each other as well as their friends who helped keep that hope and love alive. The brutal reality of the choices that Matilda's parent's had to make brought me to tears because of my sympathy for them but I was also angry. These characters were so real to me, it was hard to see the book end. When it did, I was pleasantly surprised. </p><p><span style="font-size: medium;"><b>The Glad Farm by Catherine Marenghi</b></span></p><p>I liked this book. It sometimes dragged on. It wasn't that the story was boring, there were just too many minor details that maybe could have been left out. I am so glad I finished it, but the ending was just mediocre. I hate saying that about a person's memoir though because the story itself was great in most parts. </p><p>Catherine grew up in extreme poverty. She had very little while it seemed that those around her had so much more. She struggled to put her past behind her when the adult parts of her own life kept bringing her back. There was a secret that she didn't find out about until much later in life that may have allowed her childhood to have been so much better but her family didn't know about it until her mother was very aged and many of her siblings had passed on. I was so glad she overcame her struggles but it seemed like there was very few bright points in the story to keep it interesting. I hate saying that, but in a memoir, the author gets to choose what to include and this just seemed depressing throughout. I'm glad she came out on top in the end. </p><p><b><span style="font-size: medium;">An Unfinished Story by Boo Walker</span></b></p><p>I loved this story. Claire's husband has died three years prior and she is finally cleaning out the office in their home before she moves to a new home closer to her business. She finds a story that her husband had been writing but it was not complete so she contacts a local writer with whom she has a previous connection. I appreciated her widowed friends and how they support her through it all. The story takes some unusual and surprising turns and ends up quite simply. It was a sweet story with a great ending. </p><p><b><span style="font-size: medium;">Sold on a Monday: A Novel by Kristina McMorris</span></b></p><p><span>I loved this book. I can't imagine being a parent during The Great Depression and wondering how I'm going to put food on the table. How desperate would I become? Reporter Ellis Reed notices two children sitting on their porch holding a sign that says 2 Children for Sale. This historical fiction novel will keep you on the edge of your seat for sure. It was based on an actual newspaper photograph but after writing the story, Ellis faces consequences he couldn't have imagined. There is also a sweet love story throughout and the ending helps Ellis understand his dad on a new level. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;"><b>Spilled Milk: Based on a True Story by K.L. Randis</b></span></p><p><span>This was excellent but difficult to read sometimes. Brooke is an abused child who doesn't realize there is something wrong with her family until she is a teenager. When she finally tries to do something about it, it backfires on her. Her struggles for peace and safety are a constant as well as her concern for her siblings. Finally, while away at college, she gets to tell her story to a jury and she realizes some people don't want things to change. This book was at times somewhat disturbing and difficult to continue but the author does a great job presenting a terrible topic that more people need to be aware of. All we need to do is love our children and the children put in our path. Protect them. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;"><b>The Flight Girls by Noelle Salazar</b></span></p><p><span>I LOVED this book. It reads like historical fiction but it was probably more fiction intertwined with historical details from WWII and the women pilots serving with the military. Audrey is a pilot and has plans on owning the small, local airport in her hometown. She takes a job training military pilots in Hawaii just as WWII is beginning in Europe. She's there when Pearl Harbor is attacked and struggles to find peace in her job. This girl suffers a lot, they all do. She works with a variety of women who are as diverse as they come. They are loveable and real women doing a difficult job. </span></p><p><span>She meets a pilot named James and keeps him at arms length because she's there to do a job. Their friendship grows until he's MIA somewhere in Europe. At this point, her efforts in the war are for more than freedom. She also learns that as a woman, maybe she can have it all. These women were all empowered and real. The love story is sweet. </span></p>Stacyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10907940147526374990noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4929290215422094485.post-14179440832389797332022-01-10T20:13:00.001-07:002022-01-10T20:13:07.932-07:00Respect<p>"R-E-S-P-E-C-T, Find out what it means to me." - Aretha Franklin</p><p>"You don't have to find out, I'll tell you what respect means to me." -Stacy Johnson</p><p>There's a part of me that longs for the days when my parents had me call anyone older than me by Mr or Mrs., Aunt or Uncle (even if they were a distant cousin), Coach, Bishop, Your Honor, etc. </p><p>When I address my students, I expect them to refer to me as Mrs. Johnson or Mrs. J. I even mention it to them when they call me on the phone, "Hello, this is Mrs. Johnson" or when I sign my email, it's "Mrs. J" I deserve that. I'm still boggled when a student will get on a google meet and say, "Hello Stacy!" My brain is like, "You are 15 years old!" I've earned this title of respect.</p><p>I called all adults older than me at church with the title of Sister or Brother in front of their last name. That's just what we did. When Iwas an adult, I remember playing on a Tuesday night recreational volleyball team with some of those ladies that I grew up with (my mom's friends). I kept calling them Sister Jones or Sister Smith because that's what I did. One time, one of them finally said I could call them by their first name but in my heart, I couldn't do it for two reasons; 1 - I didn't know their first name, lol and 2 - I had too much respect for them to do it. </p><p>I know that we are a much more casual society than we were when I was a kid. I get that. I have to wonder if that's part of the entitled generation, feeling like they don't have to show this simple sign of respect. I also realize that even talking about this shows my age. I'm old. I've earned this moment so let me be. </p><p>If you are younger than me, you are not my equal. If I am younger than you, I am not your equal. Now that I'm 50, I finally feel like there are some adults that I attend church with that I can call by their first name. There aren't many and we have to be pretty close for me to do that. It's because I respect you. </p><p>I'm grateful for the students and athletes I've known over the years who have shown me this respect. Do I look down on those that have become adults and started calling me Stacy? Do I feel blatantly disrespected? Of course not, but it sometimes stops me in my tracks when it happens and I chuckle at you in my head and I move on with my life. </p>Stacyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10907940147526374990noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4929290215422094485.post-62435302111698966912022-01-10T19:53:00.003-07:002022-01-10T19:53:54.075-07:00What's Your Motto?<p style="text-align: center;">Anny came home from school the other day and told us that in one of her classes, the teacher asked then to come up with a personal motto, something that they live by. This was hers:</p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><b>Take life by the throat and scream at it with the colors of your life. </b></span></p><p style="text-align: center;">Pretty impressive, right? </p><p style="text-align: center;">Then, I asked her what she thought my motto would be and she she said I had a few: </p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><b>If it gets used up, it becomes garbage. Throw it away.</b></span></p><p style="text-align: center;">Ummmm, ok? </p><p style="text-align: center;">I suppose that's something I say a lot, but is that my motto? Is this what she is going to remember me for? But also, we should throw our trash away because that's being a good citizen.</p><p style="text-align: center;">Then, she also added this one:</p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><b>Suck it Up.</b></span></p><p style="text-align: center;">OK, we all know that is something I say and YES! It's true. You might be hurt, but rub some dirt on it and move on. Don't wallow in your problems! (note to self)</p><p style="text-align: center;">But again, is that what they are going to remember me for? I've got to do better. You'd think after 29 years of parenting, I would have figured it out by now. </p><p style="text-align: center;">After much consideration, I thought about what I thought was my motto and this is what I would have said:</p><p style="text-align: center;"><span><span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>Your Mom Loves You!</b></span><br /></span></p><p style="text-align: center;">I hope I showed it in all the events I showed up for, all the practices I drove you to and from, all the ice cream I bought after a music or drama performance. </p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEis4aRLwIb39-gTG_vKr0R6rpsmnm9xDWd7MN7_2onjHNf9b0lPsH4MljCwYAUq4qX-sGOXjBMrDWW44KXSVaNs4kew6a2R15aDefc_mCOXbyGA6sRGeFlASVWDHd_MWqQi0W2F8a8YtJxA/" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><br /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;">I hope know it was out of love that I asked you to get your chores done because I was trying to teach you to be a good person who valued their space and the space of others. </div><p></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: right;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieuBCnlCtYcqrzSskEvdiM53Rj54IYJu7Nhh8DN-R1al8A2Ri_rN4ypVn71Z-C9vXwhwRwshradpdnFt78UWk9WiiBxpbZ-r-h9XTtGQ6Ul7EOMHZIZKZnghn24p66DpR-s3YWTcZOK81b/" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img alt="" data-original-height="804" data-original-width="820" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieuBCnlCtYcqrzSskEvdiM53Rj54IYJu7Nhh8DN-R1al8A2Ri_rN4ypVn71Z-C9vXwhwRwshradpdnFt78UWk9WiiBxpbZ-r-h9XTtGQ6Ul7EOMHZIZKZnghn24p66DpR-s3YWTcZOK81b/" width="245" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div></div><div style="text-align: center;">I hope you knew you were loved when I held you as you cried and if I didn't cry in front of you, I cried after you left because there's nothing that makes me more sad than to see my children struggle.</div><p></p><p></p><div style="text-align: center;">I hope you felt my love when I prayed for you all those times that you pushed me away when I wanted to help or when I did or said the wrong things. I didn't know what else to do so I prayed you would come to me because I loved you so much. </div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPh5t25-91jhkA9cx7qrWClEvAACGg7-8xuAZ9flbfUyOpOI1fD9KssyNRfpBZ5Jl1fT7OvEPBz1wmw7TAP1XB6Nv97OGjUBcPMP8nGfsUwE49PJVGhL9nZTIL1rD89zqe66ir6wIzBIRZ/" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; text-align: center;"><img alt="" data-original-height="775" data-original-width="815" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPh5t25-91jhkA9cx7qrWClEvAACGg7-8xuAZ9flbfUyOpOI1fD9KssyNRfpBZ5Jl1fT7OvEPBz1wmw7TAP1XB6Nv97OGjUBcPMP8nGfsUwE49PJVGhL9nZTIL1rD89zqe66ir6wIzBIRZ/" width="252" /></a><p></p><p style="text-align: center;">I hope you knew that all those music lessons were my way of showing you I loved you and I wanted you to explore all the different talents you've been given. Also, I wanted you to feel the love of the Savior through music, just like I do. </p><p style="text-align: center;">Every time I took you somewhere I didn't want to be, let you stay out later than I could stay up for, planned parties that stressed me out or listened to your really super long and uneventful and unorganized details of your day, it was because I love you. </p><p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6VvFlkBXBJlviRbCIpvwGHvYYfhCPJk6fH_aFaAyR1L2Syl0LeXrV-80w0YMAKNcvYhERzQLp7IMenuBEhPW7iFQWS2V2oLXZxYAcrLnN-O_f4KFZCo3FrbCnQ7nGnG-X-qhEjWwC2YHt/" style="clear: left; display: inline; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img alt="" data-original-height="817" data-original-width="814" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6VvFlkBXBJlviRbCIpvwGHvYYfhCPJk6fH_aFaAyR1L2Syl0LeXrV-80w0YMAKNcvYhERzQLp7IMenuBEhPW7iFQWS2V2oLXZxYAcrLnN-O_f4KFZCo3FrbCnQ7nGnG-X-qhEjWwC2YHt/" width="239" /></a></p><div style="text-align: center;">Remember when you came home from school to hear me ask you how your day was? That was me showing you how much I loved you by spending most of my day taking care of you and trying to be there for you.</div><p></p><p style="text-align: center;">Every time I give you a hug or ask you for a hug, it's because I want you to know I love you!</p><p style="text-align: center;">For those who didn't have me home the last few years, remember that I was doing that so your dad could be around more by not having to travel to Phoenix for work because I also love him. I'm working from home now because I love you all. </p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: medium;">So, can that be my new motto? </span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Your mom loves you!</span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: medium;">I vote yes. </span></p>Stacyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10907940147526374990noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4929290215422094485.post-6746415562049216312021-10-17T11:34:00.001-07:002021-10-17T14:05:07.961-07:00I Have Value - You Have Value <p style="text-align: center;">I went to an all-staff meeting last week. The professional development was the importance of building relationships. It's my favorite part of my job, getting to meet students on their level and helping them succeed from that point on. It's one of the reasons I became a teacher. </p><p style="text-align: center;">We were asked to create an "elevator introduction" for when we meet people. It should include our name, our position and what we want from the person we are talking to. The owner of the company said this, "My name is Jim Lee and I have the best job in the world." </p><p style="text-align: center;">Hopefully, it causes the person to ask what his job is and from there, he can tell them about this amazing company he started to help people from different walks of life, all backgrounds and even a variety of countries to get their high school diploma. </p><p style="text-align: center;">I love my job and one of the reasons is, that from the moment I started, I have felt valued at work. After a wonderful PD and news about ways our company continues to grow and find ways to reach students, the owner came back up to deliver a message. He said this, </p><p style="text-align: center;">"You're here because you were chosen to do this... </p><p style="text-align: center;">It's where you're supposed to be. "</p><p style="text-align: center;">I literally got chills and the tears began to trickle down my face.</p><p style="text-align: center;">I may still feel like the new guy and my anxiety of large groups may never go away, but I left that meeting feeling valued by someone who most likely doesn't even know my name. </p><p style="text-align: center;">At church today, I went to listen to a former athlete give her "farewell" talk before leaving on her mission. In the audience, I saw students and athletes and several "older" friends that have been a part of my life the last several years. I thought about all the conversations I've had with them during that time and I pray that they know how much I love and appreciate them. I want them to know they are important to me.</p><p style="text-align: center;"> Last spring especially, I was failing at life. I was stuck in a place in my head that I couldn't get out of. A few months prior to track season starting, I had spent many hours worrying about how I would make it to the end of the school year. I'm not afraid to admit that several times during that winter, I had looked into checking into a hospital for a few days to try and regroup and pull myself together. I spent hours in bed feeling like I understood why some people choose to end this life. I promise I never thought I would do it, but I understood why they may have felt that way. It was a deep and dark place to be. </p><p style="text-align: center;">But...</p><p style="text-align: center;">Everyday I prayed to my Heavenly Father each day that I would feel like I mattered to someone so that everything I was going through would somehow end up having value. I linked my prayers to actions, although they felt very small to me. </p><p style="text-align: center;">Everyday I got up and did my best to serve those around me. My service might have been as simple as giving a lesson in English class (whether I thought it was good or bad), listening to a student, recognizing when a student needed a hug more than an English lesson or a texting a friend to let them know I loved them. </p><p style="text-align: center;">In turn, Heavenly Father answered my prayer and I knew I was loved when my friends checked on ME, when my mom would text me with funny memes or sweet reminders that I was doing a good job. I looked forward to being home with Ben at the end of each day when he would tell me it would all be fine. Or, when a new day showed up and I was able to get out of bed. </p><p style="text-align: center;">If you were a part of my life the last several years, you mattered to me. Through those dark times, I felt Heavenly Father saying,</p><p style="text-align: center;">"You are here because you chose to do this.</p><p style="text-align: center;">You're here because you're supposed to be."</p><p style="text-align: center;">Maybe I had to go through some of this so you could know you aren't alone in your struggles. Maybe I had to go through this to tell you that your acts of service are important, no matter how small. Maybe I had to go through this so I would be reminded that I am loved. </p><p style="text-align: center;">As I looked around the chapel today and saw so many of my young friends and "older" friends, I was reminded that each of us have value. You might not realize it, but I'm here to tell you that you do. </p><p style="text-align: center;">I have value. You have value. And if you ever forget, just call or text me. I'll drop everything and remind you. Because you are that important to me. </p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p>Stacyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10907940147526374990noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4929290215422094485.post-82985270206578342202021-09-24T18:10:00.002-07:002021-09-24T18:15:19.640-07:00Reading is Boring and Pointless? <p><span style="font-family: helvetica;">Recently, my sister mentioned that her boys don't understand why reading is so important. She asked me how to explain to her boys, the importance of reading.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: helvetica;">Immediately, my mind came up with a million reasons and I needed to write them all down and then my other sister responded with even more great reasons and now I have so many reasons to share but not enough time. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: helvetica;">And, since they hate reading, I can't make this very long. So, this is for you Jake! FIVE reasons why reading is important in no particular order.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: helvetica;">1. <b>Reading is a way to learn about new people, places and things.</b> My favorite quote about reading comes from George R.R. Martin. It was hanging in my class from the first day I became a teacher, he said, <em style="box-sizing: border-box; letter-spacing: 0.2px;"><span style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">“A reader lives a thousand lives before he dies . . . The man who never reads lives only one.” <a href="https://www.thecuriousreader.in/essays/reading-here-there-everywhere/" target="_blank">I loved this article from The Curious Reader</a> about how reading allows us to have all the feelings that our characters have even if we haven't experienced them ourselves. </span></em></span></p><p><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><em style="box-sizing: border-box; letter-spacing: 0.2px;"><span style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">In my readings, have traveled to Europe, Asia, Africa and places on this earth I may never actually visit in real life. I have read about wars, triumphs and celebrations that I will never personally experience. I have been friends with some of the most amazing humans I will never meet in this life. When we learn about why others think and act, it helps us understand each other. When we understand each other, we are more forgiving and kind. Reading makes us better humans.</span></em></span></p><p><em style="box-sizing: border-box; font-variant-caps: inherit; font-variant-ligatures: inherit; letter-spacing: 0.2px;"><span style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;">When my daughter was small, she enjoyed reading books about children with disabilities similar to hers. It helped her realize there were other kids out there like her. When I wanted to understand the Holocaust, I immersed myself in books like Night, by Elie Weisel or The Diary of a Girl by Ann Frank. As a young girl, I learned about what "coming of age" meant by reading Mrs. Mike by Benedict and Nancy Freeman. </span></span></em></p><p><em style="box-sizing: border-box; letter-spacing: 0.2px;"><span style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;">I figure if I've read 10 books a year over the last 40 years, I've lived about 400 lives. I think that is a low estimate but you get the point. </span></span></em></p><p><em style="box-sizing: border-box; letter-spacing: 0.2px;"><span style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;">2. <b>Reading makes you smart...or at least sound smart. </b>The smartest people I know are well read, they are business owners, athletes, stay at home moms and come from all walks of life. Some of the richest people are avid readers too so I guess when you know more, you do more. </span></span></em></p><p><em style="box-sizing: border-box; letter-spacing: 0.2px;"><span style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;">When you are well read, you have a naturally larger vocabulary. You have knowledge of a variety of topics from government to travel to medicine to finances to relationships and so much more. Think about the number of famous people who have their own book clubs - Oprah and Reese Witherspoon, to name just two. Off the top of my head, I know that Bill Gates is an avid reader as well as the founder of Amazon, Jeff Bezos. How do I know this? I read. </span></span></em></p><p><em style="box-sizing: border-box; letter-spacing: 0.2px;"><span style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;">I guarantee that every President of the United States or foreign leader has been or is currently a reader.</span></span></em></p><p><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><em style="box-sizing: border-box; letter-spacing: 0.2px;"><span style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><a href="https://www.cnbc.com/2016/11/16/warren-buffetts-reading-routine-could-make-you-smarter-suggests-science.html" target="_blank">In an article from cnbc.com</a>, they quoted Warren Buffet saying, "</span></em><span style="box-sizing: border-box;">...he starts every morning by poring over s</span><span style="box-sizing: border-box;">everal newspapers and estimates he spends as much as 80 percent of his day reading." Do you know who Warren Buffet is? I'd like to have 10% of his wealth. You want to be rich? Powerful? Smart? Read. Read everything you can get your hands on. </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: helvetica;">To add on to this point, when you are a good reader, you are a better writer. You know how to use your words to get your point across, create a mood or persuade someone to change their mind. It happens naturally and they go hand in hand. </span></p><p><em style="box-sizing: border-box; letter-spacing: 0.2px;"><span style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;">3. <b>Reading is an escape.</b> Sometimes the crap going on in the world is too much for me and I need a break from reality. I love a good sappy romance, even the kind that is so predictable, where I can turn the page and tell you what is about to happen. Sometimes we need to turn our brains off and rest from the daily pressures. It doesn't have to be romance either, it can be travel, sci fi, adventure or history, just reading something takes you out of your current situation even if momentarily. </span></span></em></p><p><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><em style="box-sizing: border-box; letter-spacing: 0.2px;"><span style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Lebron James reads during the NBA playoffs. In an <a href="https://www.nbcsports.com/northwest/trail-blazers/lebron-james-king-reading-first-page-books" target="_blank">article by nbcsports,</a> he said, "...</span></em><span style="background-color: white;">during the postseason, everything is about the games. Everything is about the matchup and the team that you’re playing and the city that you’re in. I needed some moments where I could just get a different perspective — escape.” As a coach myself, I can almost guarantee this makes him a better athlete. </span></span></p><p><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;">Reading allows my mind to turn off from the stress and anxiety of the day and relax. It's literally how I fall asleep at night. I think it is why I dream so vividly too, because my mind isn't focused on the things that keep it spinning a million miles an hour, it has time to use its imagination. Maybe that's just me, I don't know, but I have some of the most awesome dreams and I'm sure it's because I read. </span></span></p><p><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;">4. <b>Reading keeps your mind sharp. </b>This goes along with being smart, but when we stay active, we keep our brains engaged and working. In <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/1991/10/06/magazine/mental-gymnastics.html" target="_blank">an article from NYTimes</a>, they called it "mental gymnastics." This makes sense on a physical level because the more active we keep our bodies, the longer they last and the better they work (most of the time). Why not apply this to our brains? </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><span style="background-color: white;">Along with having a sharp brain, when we are reading, we should be looking at everything with a critical eye which is part of having a sharp brain. For example, why did the author say that? What was the purpose in adding that detail? Who wrote this and how does he have the authority to talk about this? Thinking about those things helps you realize the author's purpose. Sometimes the purpose isn't just to entertain or inform, maybe they are trying to persuade you. But, do you believe them?</span></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><span style="background-color: white;">Question everything!</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><span style="background-color: white;">Don't take what you read as the gospel truth, especially if you read it on the internet. The people who take the time to write something worth publishing in print form are more likely to be the kind of authors I want to read. Read both sides of the spectrum. If you read about the Republican policy on gun issues, read the Democrat side too. Form your own opinions and own them because of the reading you've done. This is lacking in our world today.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><span style="background-color: white;">This is one of the reasons I think satire is so underrated. I love it when I see someone post an article from a website like <a href="https://babylonbee.com/" target="_blank">Babylon Bee</a> or <a href="https://www.theonion.com/" target="_blank">The Onion</a> and all the comments read as if the article was true when it was never intended to be. Young people often don't catch this because they aren't critically thinking about the article itself and the information contained inside. </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><span style="background-color: white;">5. <b>Reading teaches focus.</b> As a teacher, I've discovered that teenagers today don't have the attention span to read more than the minimum characters allowed on a Twitter post. They say they "can't read" when the truth is, their brains have only been trained to read snippets and nothing much longer. They share articles on their social media feeds that they don't really agree with because they didn't read the article, just the title. Notice the title of this post? I caught your attention with it, didn't I? </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><span style="background-color: white;">When we focus on what we're reading, we increase our comprehension of what is going on too. It takes practice and some people aren't willing to put in the time. This is going to help you in all your subjects in school or projects at your job or at home. You might actually clear all the dishes, rinse and load them into the dishwasher, wipe the counters AND sweep the floor when your mom asks you to instead of her having to remind you every step of the way because you are learning to focus on one task at a time. </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><span style="background-color: white;">This is going to be a benefit to you whether you want to be a billionaire business owner or live in your mom's basement the rest of your life (because you will always have to figure out how to get along with your mom, ya bum!) </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><span style="background-color: white;">Well Jake, sorry that got so long. I'm passionate about reading and its benefits. You may not see it after one book or even two, but I promise that down the road, you are going to thank me. When you do, I hope it sounds like, "Thanks Aunt Stacy, for helping me see how important reading is. Because of you, I'm a billionaire and here's a couple hundred thousand dollars as a way of showing my appreciation." </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: helvetica;">Want more information on the importance of reading? Here are a few links:</span></p><p><a href="https://www.blackpoolgrand.co.uk/famous-quotes-about-reading" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: helvetica;">Cool quotes</span></a></p><p><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><a href="https://www.uopeople.edu/blog/why-its-important-to-read/" target="_blank">University of the People</a>, a free college? I don't know much about it but I loved this blog post.</span></p><p><a href="https://www.alzinfo.org/articles/reading-alzheimers-bay/" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: helvetica;">Interesting information on Alzheimers and reading connections</span></a></p><p><span style="font-family: helvetica;">Electric Literature has great articles about literature. I just found this site so I haven't seen much of it yet, just throwing it out there. <a href="https://electricliterature.com/science-says-if-you-read-books-youll-earn-more-money/" target="_blank">I loved this article though.</a> </span></p><p><span style="font-family: helvetica;">Want more on what Mark Cuban and Warren Buffet think about reading? <a href="https://www.cnbc.com/2017/11/15/warren-buffett-and-mark-cuban-agree-reading-is-key-to-success.html" target="_blank">Check this article out.</a> </span></p><p><br /></p>Stacyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10907940147526374990noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4929290215422094485.post-19449182668263454302021-09-12T21:21:00.006-07:002021-09-12T21:21:54.571-07:00New Job=New Outlook on Life<p> There are lots of reasons I wasn't able to continue teaching at my high school and it had very little to do with any one person or the school itself. It was about me getting my life back. </p><p>When I started working, I had 5 kids still left at home. I know that I was supposed to take that job for a reason. I know I was supposed to be there for the time I was but...I'm not that same person that I was. </p><p>In the five years I was working at the high school, four of my kids got married and I had four grandbabies join our family. My priorities changed. I also didn't realize the amount of time I would spend at home with my own children would be spent grading, lesson planning, tutoring, worrying, crying and praying over all of them. I loved them all but the pressure of all that became too much to manage. </p><p>The pandemic made everything seem excruciatingly more difficult, especially when it came to the worrying and praying. I quickly became overwhelmed and I decided I couldn't be a martyr for the cause anymore. </p><p>When those contracts came out, I was absolutely certain that I couldn't return another school year. The anxiety caused so many physical problems to add to my already long list of mental health issues. Not signing that contract was so hard because I felt like those kids needed me and I was letting them down. But at what cost? </p><p>When the deadline passed to sign the contract, the pressure to return was great. For what seemed like the first time, I felt like I was a good teacher because they did want me back. They didn't say it in those exact words, but by wanting me to return, I felt like maybe I was doing a good enough job. </p><p>Unfortunately, I was told I couldn't be a head coach and that one was like a sucker punch out of nowhere. I'm still a little bitter about that but I volunteer and that has to be enough for now. </p><p>Not knowing what the next school year held for me was scary but I've landed in a job that seems like a great fit for me. I'm at that place in my life where I am not going to remain in a job that makes me so unhappy. I even said that at my job interview, "I want to work at a place where I feel respected and valued as a professional while allowing me to be at home with my kids as they come and go each day." </p><p style="text-align: center;">My request was granted. I now work for a company called Graduation Solutions: https://www.iwantmydiploma.com/ </p><p style="text-align: left;">This is a company that helps students who have dropped out of high school, to pursue their high school diploma online. If you're 16-21 and live in AZ it is FREE! If you don't meet those qualifications, they have other programs as well and they are very affordable. The difference is, that this is a company and not a school. If you want to get your diploma and are comfortable doing online courses, this is the place for you. </p><p style="text-align: left;">Each instructor monitors the progress of their online students from home. I monitor progress, grade writing prompts, tutor over virtually and in person. I do this four days a week from my home. </p><p style="text-align: left;">Many of us work at the HUB (Helping Undo Barriers), once a week. This is a place in Phoenix and soon to be East Valley where students can come and get tutoring, a quiet place to work, equipment to do their laundry, a place for their children to play, free internet, clothing, food pantry and more. If you live within a certain distance, they will even come and pick you up and take you home. </p><p style="text-align: left;">I'm blessed that my shift at the HUB is flexible enough that I don't hit rush hour traffic either way and I'm always home for my kids when they walk in the door. Bonus - my mom is able to volunteer at the HUB and we drive together every week. I'm not saying that I need to multi-task to spend time with my mom, but I love our hour long drive each way because we talk and catch up and make plans with each other. I love seeing my mom fill a need, no matter what they asked her to do. She's expressed how fun it is to watch me work and how excited I get talking about English with my students. </p><p style="text-align: left;">They have partnerships with businesses for work programs, life coaching and mentoring as well. If you are in need of a way to complete your education, this company will do what they can to make sure you have what you need so you can be successful. I've seen it firsthand. </p><p style="text-align: left;">In the short time I've worked here, I've felt more valued, accepted and prioritized than I had in the 5 years I worked at a public high school. (Again, this is not a dig at my old job. It's a dig at public education as a whole.)</p><p style="text-align: left;">Do I work full time plus sometimes a little more because a kid needs it? Yes, sometimes. But I'm learning to prioritize myself and set boundaries that I felt like I couldn't do at my last job. </p><p style="text-align: left;">Maybe it's because I started this job the day after I turned 50, but I feel like my 50's are going to be the best decade so far because of the flexibility with this company to do all the things I've missed (and there's lots.)</p><p style="text-align: left;">Here's to a new outlook on life!</p>Stacyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10907940147526374990noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4929290215422094485.post-51249167356484179712021-09-06T10:38:00.001-07:002021-09-06T10:38:36.461-07:00I Wasn't Forgotten, He Was Aware<p>It's no secret that I've struggled with my mental health for the last several years. I've narrowed it down to the fact that I get overstimulated very easily. Teaching is like being in a constant state of overstimulation and even though we get "breaks" from it, I don't think I ever spent one week not thinking about lesson plans, teaching strategies or the multitude of "things" teachers have to deal with, working in education. </p><p>When I was a teenager, I took a few days off of school about every 6 weeks. I just knew I needed to sleep. I went to school all day, even taking classes during my lunch hour and I worked 15-25 hours each week at my part time job. In the spring, I ran track.</p><p>As a young mother I was fortunate to stay at home with our children. Nap times were mandatory and we did not change schedules because this mama needed some quiet from the constant stress of caring for all those kids. And those kids kept coming!</p><p>After I had our 6th, I remember saying I needed a break. I needed to send my kids off to school each day so I could recharge and be ready for all the things that happened every afternoon. It was five years before I was ready for the last two to arrive and I'm so grateful they did. </p><p>When the babies (they will always be my babies) started school, I began working and I knew that was the right path for me and our family. I felt reassured by the spirit that this was the right choice. It was also the hardest thing I ever did! Not probably. </p><p>It was to date, The. Hardest. Thing. I. Have. Ever. Done. Teaching is not for the weak.</p><p>Things happened that I had no control over and my recharge moments were few, if any. Even in the summer, it was go-go-go. In those five years, we had four weddings, four grandkids, I got my masters degree and coached two teams each year. Then we had the pandemic with online only teaching and the next school year being online AND in person simultaneously. Masks, vaccines, political garbage, etc. You get the point. I was spent both physically and emotionally. Certainly mentally. </p><p>I couldn't sleep at night but I couldn't stay awake during the day either. I went to the Doctor and that was a disaster because he prescribed me something that was not meant for my needs. He had no idea what he was talking about when he prescribed it to me and I should have listened to my gut. I found a new doctor who did know what he was talking about and helped me get off of the original medicine (that I was addicted to) and got me started on something else.</p><p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQAZ99cZ8QMOAUIUv7rjVm7YhoQXntC95KjdnG5W1dkRkagX5HfvtxFeSeWWrrdmv-HLnfIylGyLs3XrWXbpiXoW8EyA0cW0uL_O0bAwLxZHxbURrX8P8b0VWz0AS4PWPYM6NwZo5ScrRG/s2048/IMG_2072.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1536" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQAZ99cZ8QMOAUIUv7rjVm7YhoQXntC95KjdnG5W1dkRkagX5HfvtxFeSeWWrrdmv-HLnfIylGyLs3XrWXbpiXoW8EyA0cW0uL_O0bAwLxZHxbURrX8P8b0VWz0AS4PWPYM6NwZo5ScrRG/w240-h320/IMG_2072.jpg" title="November 2019 This is my face after church one day, hiding the fact that I spent the entire block standing outside because I couldn't go inside during an anxiety attack. My face says "Don't let the kids know."" width="240" /></a>In the meantime, I was trying to be a good parent and wife. I felt like I was neither. Why was the Lord ignoring me? Quitting that job that I absolutely loved (in many ways), was the easiest and hardest choice I've ever made.</p><p>I had to tell you all the backstory (can you believe this is the condensed version?) so you could understand what I'm saying now. Heavenly Father was with me through it all. I know he was. </p><p>Every time a friend sent me a text to check on me or dropped a gift off at the school to surprise me, I knew He was there. </p><p>Every time I was able to drag myself out of bed and get up and go to work, I knew it was because He was there. </p><p>Every time I was given a prompting to reach out to a student in an unusual way (postcards, phone calls, candy, hugs, etc.), it was because He was there. </p><p>Every time an athlete or student thanked me or achieved something out of the ordinary and shared their success with me, He was there. </p><p>Every time I went to the counseling office at work because I was having an anxiety attack, they were able to help me calm down and refocus so I could go back to work. (I think the Zen Den at our school was built for me.) </p><p>Every thing I needed to get through, I was actively trying to listen to Him for guidance and, </p><p>He. Was. Always. There. </p><p>Most of the time, we don't know why bad or hard things happen to us. I like to think that maybe I needed to be comfortable in my job so that when student's returned from that pandemic year, I was a better teacher. I think that year, I had 4 students check themselves into mental health hospitals, one twice. I'm not a hugger and I think I gave out more hugs in that one year than I did in the four years prior. My kids needed me and I needed them. </p><p>I was given a new calling recently and when the bishopric member put his hands on my head to set me apart, he paused after a few moments. The pause was long enough that I thought he was probably wrestling with something the Lord wanted him to chastise me for (JK) but when he spoke, he simply said, "Heavenly Father is aware of you." </p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjR-Wco9wYqks4GXDfJTeqaeYXlKcXqdOKb_wAvWU18KF5P0Am5qGFQsupwHTlvUt0P0MsBQTRpKwsKm0BYMiH-r_ARaTJ39XFo8JB6f9P3tUItH-8PeztO1jftdmgOSLzX-UufaZ4eL3H/s2048/IMG_9948.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1536" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjR-Wco9wYqks4GXDfJTeqaeYXlKcXqdOKb_wAvWU18KF5P0Am5qGFQsupwHTlvUt0P0MsBQTRpKwsKm0BYMiH-r_ARaTJ39XFo8JB6f9P3tUItH-8PeztO1jftdmgOSLzX-UufaZ4eL3H/w240-h320/IMG_9948.jpg" title="Summer 2021 I'm feeling more like myself on this trip to Oregon. I'm only a few days off my meds and worried about my anxiety while traveling. I wasn't sure what the future held." width="240" /></a></div>In my church, we believe that through the power of the priesthood, we can be blessed to know what our Savior would say if he were here. I know that through that blessing, I was assured that He was there. He is watching over me. <p></p><p>I'm not perfect, far from it. But, I like to think I'm getting good at listening to the Lord's counsel in my life, regardless of the bad things that happen to me.</p><p></p><p>I'm in a good place now and everyday I'm getting better. I can't wait to tell you about my new job and all the blessings that have come because of it. I'm off all my daily anxiety medications and I haven't even taken one of my "as needed" pills in over two months. I still have moments where I can feel the anxiety bubbling to the surface, but it passes quickly because I've learned new coping skills. I also remember that I have a loving Father in Heaven and brother, Jesus Christ, both of whom are aware. And that's a good feeling. <br /><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><br /><p></p>Stacyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10907940147526374990noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4929290215422094485.post-20413103353352013692021-08-01T16:40:00.000-07:002021-08-01T16:40:37.968-07:00I Don't Like to Pray<br />I should finish that sentence with the words, "out loud." <br /><br />I am more of a pray in secret kind of gal. I don't know when it started, but I was pretty young. My prayers feel too personal to share sometimes. I've also been a terrible mother about praying with my kids because of that reason. I can shrug it off when my kids say my prayers are too long, but I want them to know this, I pray really well! Ha!<br /><br />I had a conversation with a friend the other day about how everyone prays in their own way. It resonated with me. I might not be the best at showing my family how much I rely on prayer to get me through every single day, especially the last several years but I'm here to explain how I pray just in case you're like me. Know this: Your prayers count.<br /><br />One of my favorite songs is from the LDS Hymnal #144, titled "Secret Prayer" by Hans Henry Peterson. I feel validated by it. <div><br /></div><div>Verse one says:<br />There is an hour of peace and rest,<br />Unmarred by earthly care;<br />’Tis when before the Lord I go<br />And kneel in secret prayer.<br /><br />My morning prayers happen in bed, (oops?). I hate getting up in the morning. Like really hate it. If I get on my stomach and put my head in my hands, it gives my neck a good stretch and I can say what I want to say without falling asleep. My prayers start out like this almost every day, "Dear Heavenly Father, I don't think I slept well and that is going to make my day really hard so I'm going to need you all. day. long." If I slept well, it goes more like this, "thanks for letting me sleep so well and I'd like that to happen more often because I think today will be more productive than yesterday." I'm not kidding you. This is not a joke. I hate getting out of bed and I rarely sleep well. He knows. <br /><br />I then go on to tell Him how much I love Ben. I say things like, "Ben gets me," or "Ben is so patient with me," and always something along the lines of, "thanks for sending him to me and letting me recognize that he was the one even when I was so young." I continue on for many minutes about all my kids, their spouses, my grandkids, my awesome parents and friends. I list most everyone by name and I try to be specific about why I love them. <br /><br />Then, I ask Him to help me with some character flaw I exaggerated the prior day so that I don't repeat that again. (Sometimes He helps me and sometimes he sends me with more opportunities to practice, which in a sense is also helping me, I guess.) If you've ever asked me to pray for you, this is where you come in a lot of the time or I pray for friends and family if they've been on my mind recently.<br /><br />I often pray in the shower, less often now than over the last year, but this is where I feel free to let the tears flow. It is like a therapy session. Heavenly Father doesn't care that I keep telling him how I feel like a failure at work or with my family, He just listens to me go on and on about all my faults and my desire to be a better person. It's where I repent. I love the idea of the water washing over me and making me ready for a clean start to the day along with my Father's help.<br /><br />I pray in the car, which is why I usually don't have the radio on, especially if it's a short drive (like on my way to Circle K to get my drink). I know I tell my family it's because I can't figure out the radio or bluetooth but most of the time, especially in the mornings, I don't need it on. This is my time to reflect on what I prayed for and strategize how I'm going to do ALL THE THINGS I need to do that day. There's usually a long list.<br /><br />Verse 3 says,<br />When sailing on life's story sea,<br />'Mid billows of despair,<br />'Tis solace to my soul to know<br />God hears my secret prayer.<br /><br />When I was sitting in my classroom, this is where I prayed most often. I prayed every time I couldn't reach a student. It was a quick prayer as I walked to their desk or they approached me. "Heavenly Father, what do I say to them to encourage or connect with them?" <br /><br />When things were going horribly wrong and I was frustrated or upset at a situation or a person, the same thing would happen. My eyes don't close in moments like these, it's just a thought that says, "I can't handle this" or "I need out of here" and almost immediately I feel a sense of peace or a prompting to figure out how to get out of a situation so I can cool off. Sometimes I went to the bathroom or an empty classroom, I even went to the Zen Den at the school a few times when I knew I was about to combust and Heavenly Father sent angels in the form of counselors, other teachers and even students to help me.<br /><br />As I lay on the couch at home after work, with the chest pains that are comparable to my 100lb dog trying to lay on top of me, I would say a silent prayer that I could endure the pain. Sometimes I would drift off to sleep immediately and other times, I was able to get up and get going. I know He was listening to my prayers each and every time. In being able to endure, that was His answer. <br /><br />I do kneel for family prayers and I even participate. I love gathering my children around us in prayer and I always thank Him for the wonderful blessing it is to communicate with heaven. My appeals and requests are too long to some of my family, but I don't care. I pray like I used to talk to my own dad except maybe a little more reverently. I discuss things, I ask questions then listen for an answer, I cry and unload, I ask for help. I always thank Him. <br /><br />Chorus:<br />May my heart be turned to pray,<br />Pray in secret day by day,<br />That this boon to mortals giv’n<br />May unite my soul with heav’n.</div><div><br /></div><div>I'm also reminded of several scriptures like Luke 21:36 that says, "Watch therefore, and pray always, that ye may be accounted worthy to escape all these things that shall come to pass, and to stand before the Son of man." <br /><br />I wish I had bore my testimony this morning at church, but I don't like to do that either. I want my thoughts to be spot on and organized. I don't speak off the cuff very well so I'm sharing my testimony here. <div><br /></div><div>I know that our Father in Heaven wants us to come to Him. He knows everything but he wants to know that we recognize everything as well. The trials I've overcome recently and throughout my life are undoubtedly because my Father in Heaven was with me. My Savior paid the price for all my suffering and it isn't that much to go to our Father in prayer and thank Him for the sacrifice of my elder brother, Jesus Christ. <br /><br />I've never doubted that He knew what He was doing, and that someday, I would understand. Maybe I'll never know, but I'll never doubt that He knows and that He is aware of me.</div><div><br /></div><div>I also think that praying in our own way and not like the way we think it should be, is better than not praying at all. Think about that and say your prayers. He is listening. <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></div></div>Stacyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10907940147526374990noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4929290215422094485.post-13152274215790118352021-07-30T18:58:00.005-07:002021-07-30T18:59:45.713-07:00What happened to Stacy Johnson? My last year in a nutshell.<p>A lot has happened since the last time I posted. I did not sign my contract to teach for another year at my high school. Because of that, I was also told I could not coach. That was devastating but I was so low, I didn't even argue. Ultimately, my leaving had very little to do with my school or any person there, it mostly had to do with me. The last 18 months were harder than anything I've had to do in my entire life. Every single day was a struggle. </p><p>Covid protocols that didn't make any sense to me and the amount of hypocrisy around me was on some days unbearable. Teachers didn't want to come to school and would protest one day then post pictures on their social media about being at a hotel and out to dinner the same weekend. It was hard to stomach. </p><p>Social media hit an all time low for me just before school started and the comments like "you don't understand the seriousness of this dreaded disease" and "you don't know how to do research" really put me over the edge. I teach 9th graders how to use research and cite credible sources for a living! Ironically, those comments are magically gone now. I had people unfriend me because of my inability to conform to their opinions and believe the way they did. Sadly, what I loved most about social media was reading all the opinions and information my friends shared. Losing good friends over this virus broke my heart maybe most of all.</p><p>Teaching was considerably difficult because of the load I accepted. I taught 6 class periods which meant I had no break or prep period. I also accepted to teach 5 of those class periods knowing that I would be responsible for the majority of students in the 9th grade who had IEPs or 504 plans and needed extra help. The deal was that there would be two teachers in my room to be able to properly serve all those students. Long story short, there were many days and weeks where there was very little actual help in the classroom. In short, I was drowning. </p><p>While I am grateful for medicine, the side effects were becoming unbearable. I needed them desperately but increasing my dosage in order to cope was a completely different battle. I had to choose between the miserable side effects or coming home and sleeping my evenings and weekends away when I wasn't grading papers or planning lessons. My "as needed" medicine was getting used more and more and the Dr. said that was ok given the situation but always in the back of my mind I was worried about becoming addicted again. </p><p>Basically, I was a miserable person and didn't even want to be with myself. Bless my family who did not give up on me. I hadn't cried or slept as much as I did the last 3 months of that school year. Each day I prayed I would have the strength to get out of bed and go to work. If it hadn't been for my track season, (we took 5th in state and had a state champion and two runner ups along with an amazing staff that carried me through the season), I don't know what might have happened.</p><p>I was grateful to have my summer off with Ben to try and enjoy life as much as possible while worrying about finding a job. We knew we were going to Oregon to see our newest grandbaby and his family at the beginning of July so towards the end of June, I started applying for new jobs. Talk about stressful!</p><p>I had one job that I knew would be the one for me and that was the position of Mentor at Western Governor's University. I applied and then never heard anything. In the meantime, I interviewed at a company called Graduation Solutions in Mesa and this sounded like a good backup plan. On Friday before we left to go out of town, Grad Solutions called and offered me a position as an English Instructor. I told them I would let them know on Monday. I still hadn't heard from WGU and was starting to panic. </p><p>On Saturday morning as we drove through Phoenix, I got an email from WGU saying I was not selected to be interviewed. Along with prayers and lots of discussion over the weekend, on Monday, I accepted the job at Grad Solutions with the plan to begin working on July 19th. </p><p>I was able to spend our entire trip enjoying the sights of the west coast all the way up to Oregon where we spent a week relaxing and hanging out with our family. </p><p>I celebrated my 50th birthday as well as started my new job and things are definitely looking up. I got off my meds and while I still struggle with my anxiety, the depression is mostly gone and I'm finding happiness in working from home. I'm able to go to the gym daily and reflect on lots of parts of my life that have been missing for the last five years. I'm getting lots of projects done at home that have been neglected for the last five years.</p><p>To say that my life has turned upside down and sideways is an understatement, but it is all good. I now have lots of time to spend with Ben, my two left at home and my grandbabies that I love. The last year was probably just as hard on Ben as it was on me and my heart probably grew 100 times bigger with love for him and how he has tried to love and protect me. </p><p>If you read to the end, you are a true friend. Thanks for sticking by me. </p>Stacyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10907940147526374990noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4929290215422094485.post-10079310060787311122020-09-13T16:06:00.008-07:002021-07-30T17:58:29.855-07:00Making Time to RechargeSeveral months ago, my dear friends Jenni and Leah invited me to join them at the ANWA Annual Writer's Conference. I didn't know where my life would be at that point so I told them I would consider it. When the conference went virtual, they decided to hold to the plan and get a hotel and get a way for the weekend. I really wanted to go, but my anxiety has had such a tight grip on me, I almost backed out several times. <div><br /></div><div>With school going to in person this last week, I was worried there would be another teacher walk out which would set me into another tailspin worrying about students. I told them that I wouldn't be able to get a sub in good conscience if that happened so I was still up in the air. When that didn't happen, I put in for the absence but then on Wednesday night I got a phone call from Derek at football practice thinking he had a broken arm. I was sure that was a sign that I shouldn't go. He appeared ok the next morning but the swelling and bruising still had me concerned. He seemed fine Friday morning so I took the afternoon off. </div><div><br /></div><div>The tears began the moment Jenni picked me up. It was like a flood of relief had opened and everything came spilling out. I didn't realize how much I needed a break until we were on our way. </div><div><br /></div><div>We arrived at the hotel and got checked in with a few minutes to spare before the first speaker began. I wasn't registered for the conference but I listened for about 10 minutes before I fell asleep. I slept the entire hour. I needed it. Jenni and Leah ended up watching another speaker while I stayed at the pool.</div><div><br /></div><div>We swam and sunned, I even fell asleep sitting outside. We went for a lovely walk around the pond and enjoyed some yummy meals together. I turned my phone to silent and left it in my purse most of the time. We watched a movie and ate pizza in bed and talked about writing, life, school, jobs, not having jobs, grandkids, kids, conspiracy theories, state of the world. We sat in silence too. </div><div><br /></div><div>I realized that I needed to be reminded that I'm important. It isn't that my husband doesn't do that for me, because he's very good at it, I realized though, that I needed to hear it from people who don't have to say it. I also needed to let out the stress with tears and sleep because I don't do that at home. I try to keep it together for them and because they already see me stressed out from work, they don't need to see me cry or sleep all the time.</div><div><br /></div><div>We were only gone for 24 hours but I feel hope today. I feel like I am recharged and ready to face my life again, even though it is sad and lonely most of the day. It was needed. </div>Stacyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10907940147526374990noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4929290215422094485.post-29736366913941890662020-09-10T20:59:00.004-07:002020-09-10T20:59:36.184-07:00What Does Anxiety Feel Like?<p>My anxiety is high lately. So many demands on my time and yet I know that it is all my fault. I find myself keeping busy because if I didn't, I would probably sleep all day. I hardly interact with my family and when I do, I'm there in person but I'm not present. I'm not in the moment. </p><p>There is a pain in my chest. It isn't a sharp pain but more like a weight on my chest; a heavy one. It makes breathing hard. Over a year ago, I had all sorts of heart tests done and they found nothing wrong with me. My heart doctor suggested stress or anxiety and that's how I got on this mental health journey. I'm so glad he said something. </p><p>So, knowing what it is makes it easier to cope with; I know I'm not dying. I know it will go away eventually. But, it causes me to lose sleep. I can't have a normal conversation with anyone because I can't focus on what they are saying. I don't even know where my brain goes. I listen but I'm not comprehending or retaining what they say. </p><p>I am finding little joy in my day to day relationships. I love cross country season and all that entails but it feels like a job to me now. It's not the rewarding experience it used to be. My heart feels heavy and sad.</p><p>This is not living to me. This is simply existing and I don't like it. Some days, I wish it would all just end. But, I've made it this far and I'm not going to let my mind go there. So today, I suck it up and move forward. That's all I can do right now. </p>Stacyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10907940147526374990noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4929290215422094485.post-26699090590958993202020-09-06T17:13:00.004-07:002020-09-07T08:20:02.925-07:00Anxiety Prevention and Meds<p><span style="color: #111111; font-family: arial;">I wish I could change the circumstances of this post, but I have felt like I needed to share my experiences lately. Anxiety and depression are serious and can even be fatal so they definitely need to be taken seriously. But, there are things you can do to prevent it and even work through it. </span></p><p><span style="color: #111111; font-family: arial;">As a coach and a parent, I can tell you that exercise is one of the best ways to clear your mind. Walking is all I can manage lately but I love the way I feel when I'm done. I walk with Ben and the dogs but I have also loved listening to music, listening to podcasts, scriptures or conference talks when I walk alone. I mostly love listening to the sounds of the morning like birds, sprinklers, cars leaving for work and even the cement factory busy starting their day. I've noticed that the days I don't walk, I'm far less productive on the days I don't get some good exercise in. </span></p><div><span style="color: #111111; font-family: arial;">Breathing is another strategy I use. When I feel myself get overwhelmed, I take a few deep breaths and focus my energies and my mind on things I can control. This has taken some practice over the years. I need to decide what is worth my energy and focus on that; family, faith, students, immediate needs. I don't have the energy for drama, gossip or arguing. When I came to realize that, my life became much more peaceful. </span></div><div><span style="color: #111111; font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="color: #111111; font-family: arial;">Getting enough rest is one of my biggest struggles but it is super important. My brain sometimes can't turn off when I try to go to bed. I have created a routine that works for me and I follow it almost religiously. I head to bed around 8:30pm, change into my pajamas, read my scriptures and do an activity with my mind that helps me not think about all the "things" that would keep me up. I use the alphabet and each night come up with a topic and find words that start with each letter such as "food" A=apple, B=Banana, C=chips, etc. Other categories are things like names of stores, animals, countries and/or states, etc. This works most nights. When it doesn't, I move to another room and read for 30 minutes and then try again. </span></div><div><span style="color: #111111; font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="color: #111111; font-family: arial;">The Anxiety and Depression Association of America adds that eating healthy, getting involved in your community and finding a hobby are additional ways to prevent suffering from mental illness along with the ones I've mentioned. </span></div><div><span style="color: #111111; font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="color: #111111; font-family: arial;">If you've tried these things and you are still struggling, please seek medical attention from someone who understands mental health and medications to treat them. This is critical. Don't simply trust your family doctor if he hasn't been trained. </span></div><div><span style="color: #111111; font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="color: #111111; font-family: arial;">Lastly, reach out to family and friends for support. This is not a disease that I would be able to get past without the help and support from people who love me. There are days when those friends have come to my rescue with a simple text to check on me or a hug in passing. Suffering alone only makes it worse. </span></div><div><span style="color: #111111; font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="color: #111111; font-family: arial;">Having said that, I am grateful we live in an era where we have so many medicines available to help us out of our darkest days. What a blessing. After I tried everything I knew, I was glad I reached out and found a medicine to help me. This part of my post is a caution about the side effects of medicines.</span><span style="font-family: arial;"> I have been taking a drug for my anxiety and depression for over a year now and I hate it but I absolutely need it to function. I am certainly not against them because I take them, but I worry that we are becoming a society addicted to the quick fix, the temporary solution to a long term issue. During the last year I worked really hard to do all the right things so I could get off this medication. While I blame extenuating circumstances due to school closures and Covid, maybe I wasn't as ready as I thought. </span></div><p><span style="font-family: arial;">According to the mayo clinic, here are a few most common side effects that don't require letting your doctor know unless they are too bothersome:</span></p><h4 style="color: #111111; line-height: 1.4em !important; margin: 0px 0px 10px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial;">More common</span></h4><ol class="bullet" style="color: #111111; list-style: disc; margin: 0px 0px 12px 36px; padding: 0px;"><li style="margin-bottom: 6px;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Decrease in sexual desire or ability</span></li><li style="margin-bottom: 6px;"><span style="font-family: arial;">sleepiness or unusual drowsiness</span></li></ol><h4 style="color: #111111; line-height: 1.4em !important; margin: 0px 0px 10px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Less common</span></h4><ol class="bullet" style="color: #111111; list-style: disc; margin: 0px 0px 12px 36px; padding: 0px;"><li style="margin-bottom: 6px;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Body aches or pain</span></li><li style="margin-bottom: 6px;"><span style="font-family: arial;">change in sense of taste</span></li><li style="margin-bottom: 6px;"><span style="font-family: arial;">gas</span></li><li style="margin-bottom: 6px;"><span style="font-family: arial;">headache (severe and throbbing)</span></li><li style="margin-bottom: 6px;"><span style="font-family: arial;">heartburn</span></li><li style="margin-bottom: 6px;"><span style="font-family: arial;">increased sweating</span></li><li style="margin-bottom: 6px;"><span style="font-family: arial;">increased yawning</span></li><li style="margin-bottom: 6px;"><span style="font-family: arial;">loss of voice</span></li><li style="margin-bottom: 6px;"><span style="font-family: arial;">pain in the muscles or joints</span></li><li style="margin-bottom: 6px;"><span style="font-family: arial;">sneezing</span></li><li style="margin-bottom: 6px;"><span style="font-family: arial;">stuffy or runny nose</span></li><li style="margin-bottom: 6px;"><span style="font-family: arial;">tingling, burning, or prickly feelings on the skin</span></li><li style="margin-bottom: 6px;"><span style="font-family: arial;">tooth grinding</span></li><li style="margin-bottom: 6px;"><span style="font-family: arial;">unusual increase or decrease in weight</span></li><li style="margin-bottom: 6px;"><span style="font-family: arial;">watering of the mouth</span></li></ol><div><span style="color: #111111; font-family: arial;">I can admit that I suffer from eight of the side effects listed above. I want to sleep anytime I'm at home, I yawn all day long, I'm constantly aching all over, I've gained lots of weight and I won't bore you with the details of my sex life. Some of the side effects are manageable and others put me further and further into my prison of anxiety and depression. It's an awful cycle.</span></div><div><span style="color: #111111; font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="color: #111111; font-family: arial;">But, if you've exhausted all the suggestions for prevention and need medicine to kick start your recovery, it might be the thing you need to feel better. Talk with your family and your healthcare professional to make a decision that is right for you. </span></div><div><span style="color: #111111; font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="color: #111111; font-family: arial;">Resources:</span></div><div><span style="color: #111111; font-family: arial;">*https://adaa.org/learn-from-us/from-the-experts/blog-posts/consumer/top-5-strategies-cultivating-your-mental-health</span></div><div><span style="color: #111111; font-family: arial;">*https://www.mayoclinic.org/drugs-supplements/citalopram-oral-route/side-effects/drg-20062980?p=1</span></div>Stacyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10907940147526374990noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4929290215422094485.post-87341418702842060362020-08-31T21:05:00.001-07:002020-09-06T15:47:39.876-07:00Death and Living<p> <span> </span>Being isolated has done a number on my mental health. I got off my anxiety medication back in early summer and I felt like the pandemic was slowly moving behind us so I could focus on moving forward in healing. Getting back to my students was high on that priority list. </p><p><span> While I've enjoyed being home with my family more than anyone could know, I also know I need more structure and more purpose than my four walls provide. My job makes me feel useful and needed. My own children are not needing me like they used to and I took this job to fill a void that I knew would open up once my youngest started first grade. </span><br /></p><p><span><span> Death is a scary thought and I know there are lots of reasons why I should be like other teachers and want to stay home and isolate, but it had gotten to the point where I was starting to get antsy about the number of movies, books and projects we had been working on since mid-March. Don't get me wrong, I loved being home with the kids and spending so much quality time together but we also need our space. </span></span>I also loved being home with my husband - I was even dreaming about not going back to teaching and hoping the time was right to start our Bed and Breakfast sooner than anticipated. We even discussed my anxiety about wearing a mask and decided I would quit my job if it came down to it. I almost did.</p><p><span><span><span> We did our duty to society and stayed home for many weeks/months and even avoided my own mother, siblings, son, daughter in law and grand baby so that we didn't spread anything around. We didn't let the kids play with friends and we only went to the grocery store every other week (I may have gone to Circle K a few times a week though). Other than our son and his pregnant wife who live very near us, we didn't socialize with anyone for a solid month. It was quite enjoyable at the beginning but after a while, it felt very closed in. We ached for time away from each other (in a healthy way) and date night was almost non-existent. </span></span></span>My kids longed for friends and outdoor play away from their parents. I started to feel like a prisoner in our home. </p><p><span> After the initial lockdown, my older son's family and my mom agreed that we had enough and we decided that we would spend time together. What a blessing for my soul to hold my granddaughter and hug my family again! Those few weeks apart was torture being away from the people I love. What good is staying alive if we can't be with the people we love? I was told this was selfish of me and while I would argue that to a certain degree, maybe it is. I still would rather enjoy my life than simply exist. </span><br /></p><p><span><span> Going back to work was therapeutic for a few days until opinions about schools re-opening pitted teacher against teacher and the good feelings I had about being back at work, slowly turned into anxiety. To add to those awful thoughts, I worried about mytudents. If I was feeling so poorly, how were my students holding up? I know several of them had struggled with mental health issues before Covid came up, how were they handling it after several months of isolation? Online learning can be a struggle for students who are not organized, have issues with attention and struggle with learning disabilities, which are the majority of all students - they are 9th graders!! After only a few assignments, my students' grades began to show that this wasn't working.</span><br /></span></p><p><span><span><span> One could argue that I am a terrible teacher and believe me, when I see my students struggle like this, that's my first thought as well. I've done everything I can to help them succeed short of going to their home and offering one on one tutoring. I have students that I can't reach. Add their failing grades to this mix of isolation and fear and we have one big mess.</span></span></span></p><p><span> In my own home we have struggled with concerns over the online learning platform and having our kids tied to a computer all day. We even considered homeschooling if you can believe that. I planned on coming home after teaching and coaching and then working with my kids each evening in my only free time. Why? Because this isn't a life for us. This is torture. I was told that my issues with mental health can be dealt with through counseling and that losing the life of a loved one would be worth my sacrifice. Of course, I don't want anyone to die, but there is a 100% chance it is going to happen sooner or later. For me, living this life is no life at all. I've actually hoped that a meteor would hit the earth and destroy us all because I'm not sure I want to live like this much longer. (Having made that statement, I assure you, I am not suicidal.)</span></p><p><span><span> I did start on my anxiety meds about two weeks ago and it is starting to help. My sleepless nights are becoming more frequent though and I'm gaining weight, along with even worse side effects that are too personal to talk about, including depression. I can't "people" anymore and being in my classroom is a safe place until another teacher walks in. Going to the front office requires every ounce of strength I have and some days, I can't make the walk. I'm grateful for my new teacher neighbor next door and my co-teacher who feels the same way I do (although I have also been accused of brain washing her to believing like I do which isn't true.)</span><br /></span></p><p><span><span>I work hard for my students by offering them grace and support. I think I've been open minded about both sides of the issue regarding opening up our country and state and I haven't put anyone down for their choices. I look forward to coaching every afternoon because I know that exercise is one of the ways I best deal with my own mental health. I even wear the stupid face shield in 110 degree heat! I hope that I'm setting a good example for my athletes as well. Going home each day to my safe place means I can sleep away my worries about what's going on in my world even though being myself means I'm not being a great wife, mother or friend when I'm there. I know this is temporary. </span></span></p><p><span><span>Did I write this so you would feel sorry for me? No. I wrote this so maybe we can consider the effects this isolation is having on our health. Is being isolated alone with my family the worst thing that has ever happened? No. Is it a life? yes. Is it the life I created for myself? No. We need to get back to normal. Soon. </span></span></p><p><span><span><span> </span><br /></span></span></p>Stacyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10907940147526374990noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4929290215422094485.post-73823237068019447372020-07-22T08:08:00.001-07:002020-07-22T08:08:34.916-07:00Just Strong - Just MeI remember when I had a ton of little kids at home and people would say "Wow! You look great for having 8 kids!" I would think to myself, "what does that mean?" What does a woman with 8 kids look like? I just wanted to look good. Period.<br />
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This isn't really about vanity, it's about being who I am. I have five (four plus one SIL) of the most beautiful sisters. They are gorgeous. They have style, they have great hair, they have lovely skin. They are also the kindest women I know. They serve their neighbors, they are fiercely loyal to their families, they fight for what is right, no matter what others might say or do. I might be the oldest of us all, but I definitely envy my younger sisters for their beauty, inside and out.<br />
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I, on the other hand, don't think I am as lovely as they are. I certainly don't think I'm ugly, just not as beautiful as they are. I don't know if I've ever told them that. I hope they are reading this.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjelS-Ce8Hr84kq6C85GixVgEauys_noBqBPKSmzlWJo0F-Z36M9R9RdN8SuENR4orhHpwlsh-WxheSXPX0zmiB7K3yxq0x06ZbOk3gkwU6kTWsrEECo0hrVujTQVMvYnGtqQUf3iN4zOSh/s1600/IMG_5040.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjelS-Ce8Hr84kq6C85GixVgEauys_noBqBPKSmzlWJo0F-Z36M9R9RdN8SuENR4orhHpwlsh-WxheSXPX0zmiB7K3yxq0x06ZbOk3gkwU6kTWsrEECo0hrVujTQVMvYnGtqQUf3iN4zOSh/s320/IMG_5040.jpg" width="240" /></a>I don't think I have low self esteem, but I have always struggled with how I look. I keep my hair short and easy to do, I rarely wear makeup and I could live in leggings and a t-shirt and I hate to shop. I finally have figured out why; I never knew how to style my hair when it was long, I never learned to apply makeup and shopping is frustrating. When I am wearing anything besides a t-shirt, I don't feel like I'm myself, I'm an imposter. When you see me wearing a dress, I feel like I'm playing dress up.<br />
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One thing that I've always liked about myself, is my strength. When I was in high school, I maintained a B average while working a part time job and running track and field. I saved enough money to pay for most of my first year away at college and I was so proud of my efforts.<br />
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I had a fabulous job that helped pay the bills when we were young and married. As a mother and homemaker (my favorite job ever), I knew how to save money on groceries, keep my home clean and take care of my children. I'm so proud to their mom and I know how hard I worked to help them become the adults they are. When they were older, I graduated from ASU and had two more babies while doing it. I have had lots of jobs that have built my self esteem and made me feel like I was important to my company. I started working as a teacher full time and got my masters degree in 18 months while still maintaining a household (although I might have lost some sanity while doing it.)<br />
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I survived the last 5 years of being in a weird midlife crisis with a new career, kids moving on and out and new title of Grandma while battling anxiety and depression all along the way. You bet I'm strong.<br />
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Today, I go back to teaching school amidst this pandemic. I want to be here but I don't. I have to teach in my empty classroom while my own kids are at home trying to navigate distance learning without me. I'm scared, I'm frustrated, I'm concerned but I'm also strong. I've had some trouble sleeping, I've had a panic attack or two but I'm working through my anxiety and fears about the unknown.<br />
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I'm going to get through this and so will you. Whether you are sending your kids to in person learning, choosing to homeschool or doing something in between, you're going to do great because you are strong. So am I. We're going to get through this.Stacyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10907940147526374990noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4929290215422094485.post-67246716442884482892020-07-15T14:36:00.001-07:002020-07-15T14:36:35.635-07:00Two "sorta" Graduations!In June, I went to my Dr. for a meds check on my anxiety prescription. Back in January, I told him things were going well and I wanted to get off of them asap. I had only been on them for 7 months and he encouraged me to stay on them until summer came. I explained that I had been practicing mindfulness, exercising, self care and learning to say no better but he really wanted to make sure I was in a good place before going off completely. We decreased the dosage as a compromise and that's why I came back in June.<br />
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I haven't had to take my anxiety pills for several months although teaching during the pandemic did cause me more sleepless nights than it should have. I practiced all I had learned about relaxation and self care and only took a sleeping aid every once in a while. He validated my efforts and told me he was proud of me. Does that sound weird? I don't remember needing so much validation as I do now. It felt good for him to say that because I have worked very hard. He agreed that for two weeks I would cut back to taking my meds every other day, then every third day after that and then cut them out completely. I'm happy to say that it's been a month now and so far so good.<br />
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Having said that, I realize that my path may be different from your path. Not everyone can get off their meds as fast as I did or maybe not ever. I truly believe that modern medicines are here for our use and benefit and we should use them as needed. I wouldn't deny myself an antibiotic if I had an infection!<br />
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But, I also believe that our bodies are capable of healing themselves. I have walked or jogged regularly since I was diagnosed and the days that I miss are much harder mentally. Sleeping is an issue that could also be part of my menopause. I sometimes take something to help me sleep. I have said "no" to more things than I wanted to and I have had to rely on my family to pick up my slack so I could take care of myself. Ben has been making dinner almost exclusively since last summer and it has been a wonderful shift in our household.<br />
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I also went to the lady parts doctor. Pap smear came back normal (Good news minute maybe?) and she gave me orders for my mammogram which I tried to go to but they told me I must wear a mask so that has been postponed.<br />
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I explained to her my symptoms of hot flashes, sleepless nights, decreased sex drive, my very active beard and mustache issues and irregular periods. I reminded her that my anxiety meds had some of the same side effects but she told me what I already knew, I'm in menopause. She ordered my annual blood work and sure enough, that's what the hormone levels say too. I haven't had a cycle since my appointment so that seems to be at an end too, or at least headed that way. I guess I've got a graduated menstrual cycle.<br />
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I'd like to take a moment and thank my reproductive organs for all the joy you've given me with the birth of 8 beautiful children. I also am glad you're gone because of the issues I've had since I was 10 years old! 39 years of cramping, bloating, irritability, menorrhagia (which we took care of years ago with ablation) and let's face it, the nuisance of carrying supplies in my purse, inconvenience of needing to know where the bathroom is at all times for several days straight and the nights when I had to set an alarm to get up and use the restroom before I made a mess.<br />
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TMI? Probably, but I'm glad to say that part of my life is over.<br />
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My mental health journey has not been easy and I know it will continue to be a journey with the crap that life has thrown at all of us lately. I'm almost glad that I was dealing with menopause at the same time because maybe I didn't notice it as much. The side effects from the medicine were sometimes worse than the anxiety/depression. I had to tough it out a few times and had some very embarrassing moments that I definitely think are TMI, you can ask me about them in person if you want. But, I'm happy to say that I've graduated from my meds and already feeling more like myself - the one I lost way before I was diagnosed. Thank you modern medicine and my amazing miraculous body.<br />
<br />Stacyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10907940147526374990noreply@blogger.com2