Because I Had Children

"R-E-S-P-E-C-T, Find out what it means to me." - Aretha Franklin "You don't have to find out, I'll tell you what respect means to me." -Stacy Johnson There's a part of me that longs for the days when my parents had me call anyone older than me by Mr or Mrs., Aunt or Uncle (even if they were a distant cousin), Coach, Bishop, Your Honor, etc.  When I address my students, I expect them to refer to me as Mrs. Johnson or Mrs. J. I even mention it to them when they call me on the phone, "Hello, this is Mrs. Johnson" or when I sign my email, it's "Mrs. J" I deserve that. I'm still boggled when a student will get on a google meet and say, "Hello Stacy!" My brain is like, "You are 15 years old!" I've earned this title of respect. I called all adults older than me at church with the title of Sister or Brother in front of their last name. That's just what we did. When Iwas an adult, I remember playing on a Tue...

I definitely have learned a difficult lesson about self care in the last year. I've learned how truly important it is. I've heard the analogy that it's like putting on the oxygen mask on yourself first so that you are able to help those around you but I'm Super Mom, I'll help everyone first then take care of myself. But guess what? That time never seemed to come. When I was a stay home mom, I told myself that because I didn't bring in an income, that spending money and time on myself was frivolous and unnecessary, what did I need "me" time for? I was at home all day. Plus, do you know how much time it takes to take care of the needs of 8 children and a spouse? When I started working full time, I decided that anything I wanted to do for myself meant more time away from my house and my children and my responsibilities there. I simply didn't have time for it. I gave up my acrylic nails and my bi-monthly housecleaning because they were frivolous, u...

This week I was released from a calling in my church I held for over 5 years. I served as a liason for LDS Family Services supporting the AddictionRecovery Program as well as serving as a birth parent volunteer working with unwed and pregnant mothers. I remember I was eight months pregnant with my eighth child when I was called. I was sure it was a mistake and they called the wrong person. I felt so completely overwhelmed. It took several months before I felt comfortable with my calling and from then on, it only deepened my testimony of how  much the Lord loves each of his children individually and personally. I'd like to share three things I learned that will hopefully help others understand the purpose of LDS Family Services and its programs. 1 - Our Father in Heaven loves us no matter what. The Lord in his wisdom has created programs and resources to promote the emotional, physical and spiritual aspect of each of our lives. The Addiction Recovery Program is one wa...

I saw your recent speech on the news and while I would like to be surprised at the things you say, I am simply numb from all the things that have come from your time in office. I have kept fairly quiet about it because I don't like to make waves with my friends who support you but I can remain quiet no longer on this topic. In regards to your statement that being a stay at home mother "is not a choice we want American's to make," I have to assume that you mean you don't want us to have to accept lesser wages because of our choice. I get you. I just wish you would have worded it better because that isn't how it was taken. As for me, there is no price that can be placed on my choice to stay home. I'll never get into the work place and make the kind of money you think I ought to but let me tell you something about my job that you will never understand. Like most mothers, I'm teaching my children to be good citizens, have good manners, learn to serve...

August 2014 Dear kids, I went out to lunch today with my dear friend. It's not the first time I've gone to lunch this summer while you've been stuck at home watching television for 10 hours in a row, but it was maybe my second. You gave me this look like, "what?" and I saw in your eyes that you wondered why on earth I thought it was a good idea to do something without you or not for you. I'm sure that over the last several weeks you have wondered why I keep pestering you to pick up your stuff off the floor in the playroom, or return your dirty dishes to the kitchen (when they aren't supposed to be out of the kitchen in the first place), or get your chores done for the day. I know for a fact that it has bugged you when I asked you to do something that wasn't "your job." I do appreciate you feeding lunch to your siblings or even making an easy dinner when I wasn't around. I don't think I've asked that much more of you than y...

There seems to be a decline in the amount of volunteerism these days. I understand there are lots of double income families and by the time you both get home from work and take care of your house and family, the last thing you want to do is volunteer. I get it. I really do. I've come up with three reasons why you need to get out and serve more. 1 - IT IS AN OPPORTUNITY TO STEP OUTSIDE YOURSELF and think about others for a while. Serving someone else in need helps us find perspective regarding our own struggles. This last year I was the coach of a cheer squad made up completely of special needs girls. They were eager to learn and we always had so much fun. But after my hour of coaching was done, I thought about those parents who went home every day and worried and prayed and sometimes struggled with caring for their precious daughters the other 166 hours in the week. 2 - FRIENDSHIPS. I have made some of the best friends through my years of serving through children's sports. ...

I would have liked to have driven my Yukon to girls camp as it seated more girls and has 100K less miles than the truck but the air conditioning went out on Friday before camp (after I just had it fixed) and I wasn't about to drive two hours into the Arizona desert without AC. I begrudgingly drove my pickup truck. Towing the truck home Unfortunately, on the way home from girls camp the truck died on me as I was going up a hill. We got my trailer hitched up to another truck and got the girls into other vehicles to go home. I rode most of the way home where I met Ben who was driving our Yukon and a flat bed trailer to tow the truck home with. I turned around with him and we went back to get it. So I still got to drive a few hours without AC in our lovely desert. Lucky me. Yesterday I finally had a chance to drive the Yukon into the dealer to have it looked at since they had just fixed it a few days prior to it breaking again. As the mechanic opened the hood he realized the se...

A few years ago, I was the subject of some specific gossip. (I'm sure it has happened more often but I have pretty thick skin.) It made its way to my ears and my feelings were hurt; I mean really hurt. The person who was talking didn't know all the facts surrounding the circumstance and was assuming some things that were not true. It made me look awful. Gossip: Don't Pass It On I love this person but it has been difficult to be in their circle of friends. Maybe that means I haven't completely forgiven them but I sincerely am trying. I just want so badly to tell everyone the truth about what happened. I wanted this person to ask me for the details; I would have spilled it all but nobody ever did. I still walk around wondering who thinks I'm the terrible person I was portrayed to be. Was this information offered to one other person or to many? I try to avoid gossip. It isn't easy and sometimes it is really hard. I remember a friend who was going through ...

I just want to start off by saying that homeschooling and charter schools are not an option for me.  Call me crazy, but I'm not organized enough or disciplined enough to home school and I'm tool selfish to drive my kids to another school when there is one in my very own neighborhood and a bus to get my older kids to theirs.  It doesn't mean I'm anti either of them.  I just am happy where I'm at and have no reason to change.  My problem comes from people thinking that I am ignorant about where I send my own kids as if I haven't researched my options.  It is a topic that comes up on occasion and when it does, I feel like I have to defend myself for my choice.  I'm just going to highlight a few things that have been brought to my attention recently: Safety Several years ago, I asked the head of security at the "other" high school in our area (he is a friend of mine) if he thought there was more problems at my school than at his.  His answer?  ...

When I was a younger mother and my children were much smaller, I had several people regularly tell me they thought I had too many activities going on with each of my children.  I felt like I had everything under control, but apparently I looked like I didn't.  I felt like I was able to get everything in; my church calling, my homemaking responsibilities, volunteer activities, "me" time, plus get my kids to their piano lessons, sports practices and other extracurricular events.  I never once felt like I had taken on too much.  But, I felt like I was constantly having to stand up for myself and prove that I was doing it all and I was doing it just fine.  Never once did I feel overworked or stressed out to the point that I couldn't handle my hectic schedule.  (OK, let's be honest, I had my days, but they were relatively few and far between.) Until this summer happened. I have never felt so overworked and exhausted as I have the last two months.  It ac...

I feel like I got home from my writer's conference and was so on fire for my writing and then what did I do with all my new energy?  Nothing.  Absolutely nothing. Well, unless you call helping my friends do some editing/critiquing on their work and beta reading for another friend's novel.  I have done tons of laundry, caught up on my house cleaning and then fell into spring break with a thud.  I've gotten almost all the kids to the dentist for checkups and one for a filling.  I shopped for and purchased all the fabric and patterns for Easter dresses and I've spent some quality time at the chiropractor and working on my church callings.   The garden is finally in and the weeds in the front yard are fairly under control. I've done a ton, but I still have some trouble balancing work time and family time.  I don't really ever want to work, but I want to cross this book off my list and get it out there. I feel like once I get caught up, there is just th...

I took the kids to the park today even though it wasn't ideal weather.  I hate being cold and we had to wear jackets and it was so windy.  I sat on the park bench and huddled up, but the weather did not stop my children from taking off their shoes and socks to play in the sand.  They were desperate to play with their buckets and shovels I gave them for Valentines Day.  It got me thinking about how serious I am about getting my exercise in every day or at least most every day and how grateful I am that they are seeing my good example of fitness.  But, am I doing enough to show my kids how important it is to take care of their own bodies? Sometimes my children won't even walk a few blocks to go to their friend's house to play, they are always asking me for a ride.  What is up with that?  They complain about having to walk to and from school and it is merely around the corner from our house too.  I have been so tempted to tell them about how I had ...

Sometimes I think my children are just really farm animals by the way they graze all day in and out of my kitchen.  The thought of wanting to eat at all times of the day is making me crazy.  I know most of the time it is just pure boredom.  Not because there isn't a million things to do around here, but because sometimes we are just lazy. I realize that I may have contributed to the problem.  When I was in school, there was a lot of times when I said to them, "feed yourselves, I have a paper due in two hours and I just started."  Yes, we ate a ton of pre-packaged food, cold cereal and ramen the last few years.  Gross.  But it was mostly my fault that we got into some bad habits. I will also admit that I sit at this computer and do NOTHING, a lot of the time now.  Yes, I'm checking my e-mails for the booster club stuff that needs done, sometimes I am writing that awe-inspiring blog post, working on my book or editing something for a fellow writ...

I am so selfish. You see, I am not that great with little children.  Don't get me wrong, I love them, I'm just not patient enough to be the kind of mother I wish I was.  Ok, maybe it isn't that I'm not that great with them, I just don't really enjoy them as much as I would like to.   I'm better with other people's little kids because I only spend a few minutes with them at a time.  I'm so sick of the snotty noses, the crying, the whining, the diaper changing, blah, blah, blah, blah.  It just really isn't fun to me.  Ironic that I've had eight of them, isn't it? On the other hand, even though I'm not a big hugger, I love to kiss and love all over my sweet babies.  I love their wet kisses and their hugs.  I love when I ask, "Who do you love?" and they answer "Mom!"  I love it when I go into their rooms in the morning to wake them up and they are so happy to see me that they practically jump out of bed and into my arm...

Sometimes I get so frustrated with my parenting that I wish I could have a do-over.  Lately I feel that way a lot.  I think is is part of my senior-itis kicking with my graduation only 8 weeks and 4 days away (but who is counting?).  I feel a little consumed by my two classes but at the same time I have this "who cares" type of attitude.  There is nothing stable about my parenting (or my emotional status) lately.  I'm all up in their grills one day and my house is spotless and homework turned in on time and then the next week my house is trashed, my homework is late or not done at all and the worst part is I don't even notice. It doesn't help that I have tons of external things to blame it on...Jenny's funeral, the pneumonia, the weather, potty training issues (the three year old, not me), etc.  But, the reality is, I am not very consistent.  There you have it people, I have a weakness, it is consistency.  I can do really great one day/week/mont...

I want to keep this short because I really, really, really want you to click on the link I'll put at the bottom of this.  This topic has been on my mind lately but I couldn't put into words what I wanted to say.  The post on this blog says it perfectly. My thoughts on this subject started when one of my kids came home from school a few years ago and was complaining about his teacher and his behavior toward the entire class.  The teacher said something along the lines of, "I don't get paid enough to babysit you."  My child was so upset at how angry the teacher was because he really did like him.  Since I believe in changing myself first before asking someone else to change, we discussed ways he could try and be a better student, be a leader in the class when they started getting out of hand, verbally thanking the teacher for things more often, etc. but nothing seemed to be making a difference over the next few days. Later that week, I stopped by the school just...

One of my most favorite things I learned about when I was in high school seminary was the principle of “likening the scriptures unto myself.”  I wouldn’t say that I am a scriptorian by any means, but I do love it when I read the scriptures and can apply it directly to my life.  While studying my Personal Progress goals recently, I came across this scripture and I just knew it was something I needed to directly apply to me, as a woman, a mother, and a wife because  I have so much to work on.   And, when you need guidance, what better place to turn to than the scriptures?  I’ll put my notes in red after each verse that I applied to myself.  I’d love to know how you would apply any of these verses to yourself. Proverbs 31:10-31 10  ¶Who   can   fin d   a   virtuou s   woma n ?   f or   her   price   is   far   above rubies.   I need to value myself and have confidence in my role as a woman,...