Because I Had Children

 There are lots of reasons I wasn't able to continue teaching at my high school and it had very little to do with any one person or the school itself. It was about me getting my life back.  When I started working, I had 5 kids still left at home. I know that I was supposed to take that job for a reason. I know I was supposed to be there for the time I was but...I'm not that same person that I was.  In the five years I was working at the high school, four of my kids got married and I had four grandbabies join our family. My priorities changed. I also didn't realize the amount of time I would spend at home with my own children would be spent grading, lesson planning, tutoring, worrying, crying and praying over all of them. I loved them all but the pressure of all that became too much to manage.  The pandemic made everything seem excruciatingly more difficult, especially when it came to the worrying and praying. I quickly became overwhelmed and I decided I couldn't be a...

It's no secret that I've struggled with my mental health for the last several years. I've narrowed it down to the fact that I get overstimulated very easily. Teaching is like being in a constant state of overstimulation and even though we get "breaks" from it, I don't think I ever spent one week not thinking about lesson plans, teaching strategies or the multitude of "things" teachers have to deal with, working in education.  When I was a teenager, I took a few days off of school about every 6 weeks. I just knew I needed to sleep. I went to school all day, even taking classes during my lunch hour and I worked 15-25 hours each week at my part time job. In the spring, I ran track. As a young mother I was fortunate to stay at home with our children. Nap times were mandatory and we did not change schedules because this mama needed some quiet from the constant stress of caring for all those kids. And those kids kept coming! After I had our 6th, I remember...

I should finish that sentence with the words, "out loud." I am more of a pray in secret kind of gal. I don't know when it started, but I was pretty young. My prayers feel too personal to share sometimes. I've also been a terrible mother about praying with my kids because of that reason. I can shrug it off when my kids say my prayers are too long, but I want them to know this, I pray really well! Ha! I had a conversation with a friend the other day about how everyone prays in their own way. It resonated with me. I might not be the best at showing my family how much I rely on prayer to get me through every single day, especially the last several years but I'm here to explain how I pray just in case you're like me. Know this: Your prayers count. One of my favorite songs is from the LDS Hymnal #144, titled "Secret Prayer" by Hans Henry Peterson. I feel validated by it.  Verse one says: There is an hour of peace and rest, Unmarred by earthly care; ’Tis wh...

This week I was released from a calling in my church I held for over 5 years. I served as a liason for LDS Family Services supporting the AddictionRecovery Program as well as serving as a birth parent volunteer working with unwed and pregnant mothers. I remember I was eight months pregnant with my eighth child when I was called. I was sure it was a mistake and they called the wrong person. I felt so completely overwhelmed. It took several months before I felt comfortable with my calling and from then on, it only deepened my testimony of how  much the Lord loves each of his children individually and personally. I'd like to share three things I learned that will hopefully help others understand the purpose of LDS Family Services and its programs. 1 - Our Father in Heaven loves us no matter what. The Lord in his wisdom has created programs and resources to promote the emotional, physical and spiritual aspect of each of our lives. The Addiction Recovery Program is one wa...

I saw your recent speech on the news and while I would like to be surprised at the things you say, I am simply numb from all the things that have come from your time in office. I have kept fairly quiet about it because I don't like to make waves with my friends who support you but I can remain quiet no longer on this topic. In regards to your statement that being a stay at home mother "is not a choice we want American's to make," I have to assume that you mean you don't want us to have to accept lesser wages because of our choice. I get you. I just wish you would have worded it better because that isn't how it was taken. As for me, there is no price that can be placed on my choice to stay home. I'll never get into the work place and make the kind of money you think I ought to but let me tell you something about my job that you will never understand. Like most mothers, I'm teaching my children to be good citizens, have good manners, learn to serve...

There seems to be a decline in the amount of volunteerism these days. I understand there are lots of double income families and by the time you both get home from work and take care of your house and family, the last thing you want to do is volunteer. I get it. I really do. I've come up with three reasons why you need to get out and serve more. 1 - IT IS AN OPPORTUNITY TO STEP OUTSIDE YOURSELF and think about others for a while. Serving someone else in need helps us find perspective regarding our own struggles. This last year I was the coach of a cheer squad made up completely of special needs girls. They were eager to learn and we always had so much fun. But after my hour of coaching was done, I thought about those parents who went home every day and worried and prayed and sometimes struggled with caring for their precious daughters the other 166 hours in the week. 2 - FRIENDSHIPS. I have made some of the best friends through my years of serving through children's sports. ...

I would have liked to have driven my Yukon to girls camp as it seated more girls and has 100K less miles than the truck but the air conditioning went out on Friday before camp (after I just had it fixed) and I wasn't about to drive two hours into the Arizona desert without AC. I begrudgingly drove my pickup truck. Towing the truck home Unfortunately, on the way home from girls camp the truck died on me as I was going up a hill. We got my trailer hitched up to another truck and got the girls into other vehicles to go home. I rode most of the way home where I met Ben who was driving our Yukon and a flat bed trailer to tow the truck home with. I turned around with him and we went back to get it. So I still got to drive a few hours without AC in our lovely desert. Lucky me. Yesterday I finally had a chance to drive the Yukon into the dealer to have it looked at since they had just fixed it a few days prior to it breaking again. As the mechanic opened the hood he realized the se...

A few years ago, I was the subject of some specific gossip. (I'm sure it has happened more often but I have pretty thick skin.) It made its way to my ears and my feelings were hurt; I mean really hurt. The person who was talking didn't know all the facts surrounding the circumstance and was assuming some things that were not true. It made me look awful. Gossip: Don't Pass It On I love this person but it has been difficult to be in their circle of friends. Maybe that means I haven't completely forgiven them but I sincerely am trying. I just want so badly to tell everyone the truth about what happened. I wanted this person to ask me for the details; I would have spilled it all but nobody ever did. I still walk around wondering who thinks I'm the terrible person I was portrayed to be. Was this information offered to one other person or to many? I try to avoid gossip. It isn't easy and sometimes it is really hard. I remember a friend who was going through ...

I feel like I got home from my writer's conference and was so on fire for my writing and then what did I do with all my new energy?  Nothing.  Absolutely nothing. Well, unless you call helping my friends do some editing/critiquing on their work and beta reading for another friend's novel.  I have done tons of laundry, caught up on my house cleaning and then fell into spring break with a thud.  I've gotten almost all the kids to the dentist for checkups and one for a filling.  I shopped for and purchased all the fabric and patterns for Easter dresses and I've spent some quality time at the chiropractor and working on my church callings.   The garden is finally in and the weeds in the front yard are fairly under control. I've done a ton, but I still have some trouble balancing work time and family time.  I don't really ever want to work, but I want to cross this book off my list and get it out there. I feel like once I get caught up, there is just th...

This last weekend, I attended the 20th Annual ANWA Writer's Conference.  It was held in the fabulous Hilton hotel in Mesa, AZ. (The last time I went there was for my junior prom, remember that Trevor?)  I was able to share a room with 3 wonderful new friends which made the cost minimal so I splurged and stayed the night. Some of the members of the Queen Creek Creators There were classes on critiquing, editing, publishing, characterization, magazine writing, freelance writing, pitching and query letters and so much more.  I can't even begin to tell you how fabulous it was.  We mingled with agents and publishers, we ate some delicious food and worked on honing our writing talents. I am ever so grateful to be a part of such a wonderful group of women who are as crazy about writing as I am.  I was in awe of meeting some of my favorite authors in person and getting to know them as friends.  What I came away from the conference was the confidence to move f...

Yesterday, I did my annual tax refund year supply stock up shopping at WalMart and Costco (more about that another day).  I rewarded my helpers with pizza and myself with some take out sushi.  It was 1:45 when I ate and I figured that by 4:45 when I was home and ready to go on my run, that I had given myself plenty of time to digest my food.  I was so wrong. I burped and threw up a little in my mouth for the first half a mile and then stopped in some rocks to try and throw up.  Nothing.  If you know how much I hate to throw up, you'll know how difficult that was for me.  But I was miserable and wanted to do my run so I was willing to do whatever it took to feel better.  I continued my run and by the time I hit one mile, I decided that I would do a shorter run today because I felt so crappy. I got to my usual corner and had to make a choice to head home or head out.  I decided to push through it and I headed out on my route to do my entire run as...

I wish I knew where I heard this first, but it was many years ago when my older ones were young.  I'd like to give credit where it is due, but I simply cannot remember. This is the rule of thumb I rely on when my children ask me if they can do something. Always say yes unless you have a good reason to say no. It has worked for me all these years that I thought I would share it with you.  It makes it so much easier when they ask me for permission to do something when both of us know the answer is yes unless I have an excellent reason to deny them. I want my kids to experience anything and everything they can in this life.  I don't want them to be sheltered or under-privileged.  I want them to do things that freak them out (in a good way) and that challenge them to work hard and get what they want. I will give you some actual examples so that you know what I am talking about: Sometimes the littlest ones come to me with those sweet...

I have a problem with becoming frustrated easily.  Some of it is caused by things not getting done in a timely manner by my family, some of it by school administration/teachers, and some of it by just plain old dumb people.  The reality is that I choose how to react to those situations. I have decided that the most effective way to deal with these problems is to keep calm.  I have a "10" rule.  Depending on the circumstance, I either count to 10, wait 10 hours or even 10 days.  Each case is different. If my children are the frustration, I count to 10 before I explode (or at least I try to remember to do that).  I'm not perfect, but generally by the time I slowly count to 10, some of the red hot fire of the situation has been diffused and I am able to think in my head the best possible solution to my frustration.  I can't change who my children are, but I can certainly be responsible for myself and how I respond to those triggers especially with tho...

Exercise is an important part of my life.  My dad has struggled with heart problems for 12 years now.  He had his first heart attack in his 50's.  That is only a few short years from where I am and it has me constantly on guard as to how to better take care of my heart, not only through exercise, but diet as well. Exercise has always been a fundamental part of my life since I was a kid.  I played church softball, volleyball and basketball since junior high.  I ran track, played basketball and was a cheerleader in high school.  I have always remained very active mostly because I am just not a sedentary person, there is just too much to do to spend it sitting on a couch watching t.v. I played team sports, water skiied, repelled, did a lot of walking with friends as I got older and kept myself busy playing with the kids enough that I never felt the need to really "exercise."  That is, until that one day when I broke my ankle back in the summer of 2004...

Goals are the fuel in the furnace of achievement. - Brian Tracy, Eat That Frog I'm a goal setter by nature, but I love it when the whole world (or at least most of it) is setting goals with me.  I can feel it in the air, everybody is inspired and charged up for doing better and making positive changes.  That is what goal setting is all about, right?  Making ourselves better.  My goals last year included writing my novel - check, graduating from college - check, and doing a better job of keeping my house clean - that one is debatable. On the other hand, I hate it when people write resolutions or goals without having a plan to succeed.  What good is an offensive line without a plan as to how to get the ball down the field?  I plan on reaching towards my potential this year with my goals and I'm going to do it play by play, yard by yard.  It may even come down to inches next December, but I'm gonna score a touchdown in the end. So, I offer you the su...

There has been a lot of discussion lately in my life from different sources, about feminism.  While doing some research for my literature class earlier this semester, I had to do some reading on this type of literature critique.  Then, on a friend's Facebook, I saw a post about a more contemporary view on feminism.  It really got me thinking about my views on feminism. I just have to say, thank heavens for the women who forged the way for me to live the kind of life I lead.  I'm college educated, I am employed (even if it is just a few hours a quarter), I can drive, vote, and do lots of things women in my stage of life could not do many years ago.  But, I am still "just" a housewife (don't get me started on that term), what I mean is, that I do most of the cleaning, cooking and taking care of the children, and I do it by choice. I don't have a job that requires me to be outside of my home earning a living, I have found ways to make some money here and ther...

As I have been getting "older," several times over the last few years, I have wanted to have a makeover of sorts, you know, buy a few new outfits, wear makeup more often, do my hair every day.  I do good for a few weeks and then I sorta revert back to the "old" me.  I get it in my head that I need to act my age better, or dress the part of a 40 year old.  It isn't that I feel old or even think I need to wear old people clothes, that's not my point.  I just feel like I dress like a 13 year old boy because I wear tennis shoes and t-shirts every day, just like I did in the 8th grade. When I was in the 9th grade, I tried a little harder and it was fortunate that on the days that I cheered for football, we had to wear our "game day" clothes and when I played basketball and ran track, we had to dress up for school on those days. When I was in high school, I loved to go shopping at the thrift stores and buy my clothes there.  My friend Renee was so go...

Woo Hoo!! Yeah for me!!  I did it!  I finally graduated from college.  I am proud and embarrassed at the same time to say that it took me 23 years and 6 months from the time I started back at Rick's College in the fall of 1989 to get me a Batchelors degree from ASU with a degree in English Literature.  It literally took a village to get me to this point; schools, teachers, friends, Facebook and especially my immediate and extended family. I attended several schools; Rick's College, MCC, Rio Salado, a school in Albuquerque, but I can't for the life of me think of the name but it is now called Central NM Community College, AZ Dept of Real Estate school and then ASU.  Yes, that is a lot; I don't recommend it. I went to school off and on for several years, between having kids #s 1,2,3,4, and 7 & 8.and jobs and helping Ben finish his degree, it was hit or miss what years I went.  I was pregnant a lot in college. I had tons of people help me with bab...

There are about 5 weeks left in this semester and I have tons to study for as I near the finish line.  I'm a glutton for punishment too, because I've chosen to participate in the NaNoWriMo!  Don't know what that is?  That's ok, I'm fairly new to it myself.  It stands for National November Writing Month and the goal is to write a novel in 30 days.  Think I can do it?  Of course I can.  Will it be a best-seller?  Doubtful.  But, I can cross one more thing off my bucket list.  My goal is to produce 2000 words per day towards the novel.  I've only got a few more hours of daylight so I better get busy.  I guess my point is that I'm checking out for most of the month and will be back in December.  I may post some updates here and there to let you know how it is going.  I might even ask for your help.  See you in 30 days!! Check it out!   http://www.nanowrimo.org

I saw the Disney movie Secretariat at the movie theater when it first came out months ago, I even paid full price.  If you know how cheap I am, you’ll know how much I wanted to watch this movie.  I was hoping it would uplift and inspire me.  Secretariat was that kind of movie. If you are not familiar, it is the story of a woman who takes over the business of running her father’s horse breeding/racing farm due to the death of her parents.  She does what she needs in order to succeed, even in the most difficult of circumstances.   What I loved most was seeing the determination and at the same time, the uncertainty in Penny as she had to choose between living this dream or not.  After two years of living a dual life, late one night, her husband questions her ability to keep up such a tremendous pace.  Her response stuck with me when she replied, “When I went off to college, I felt like that colt, full of promise, full of adventure, like I could make...