Two "sorta" Graduations!
In June, I went to my Dr. for a meds check on my anxiety prescription. Back in January, I told him things were going well and I wanted to get off of them asap. I had only been on them for 7 months and he encouraged me to stay on them until summer came. I explained that I had been practicing mindfulness, exercising, self care and learning to say no better but he really wanted to make sure I was in a good place before going off completely. We decreased the dosage as a compromise and that's why I came back in June.
I haven't had to take my anxiety pills for several months although teaching during the pandemic did cause me more sleepless nights than it should have. I practiced all I had learned about relaxation and self care and only took a sleeping aid every once in a while. He validated my efforts and told me he was proud of me. Does that sound weird? I don't remember needing so much validation as I do now. It felt good for him to say that because I have worked very hard. He agreed that for two weeks I would cut back to taking my meds every other day, then every third day after that and then cut them out completely. I'm happy to say that it's been a month now and so far so good.
Having said that, I realize that my path may be different from your path. Not everyone can get off their meds as fast as I did or maybe not ever. I truly believe that modern medicines are here for our use and benefit and we should use them as needed. I wouldn't deny myself an antibiotic if I had an infection!
But, I also believe that our bodies are capable of healing themselves. I have walked or jogged regularly since I was diagnosed and the days that I miss are much harder mentally. Sleeping is an issue that could also be part of my menopause. I sometimes take something to help me sleep. I have said "no" to more things than I wanted to and I have had to rely on my family to pick up my slack so I could take care of myself. Ben has been making dinner almost exclusively since last summer and it has been a wonderful shift in our household.
I also went to the lady parts doctor. Pap smear came back normal (Good news minute maybe?) and she gave me orders for my mammogram which I tried to go to but they told me I must wear a mask so that has been postponed.
I explained to her my symptoms of hot flashes, sleepless nights, decreased sex drive, my very active beard and mustache issues and irregular periods. I reminded her that my anxiety meds had some of the same side effects but she told me what I already knew, I'm in menopause. She ordered my annual blood work and sure enough, that's what the hormone levels say too. I haven't had a cycle since my appointment so that seems to be at an end too, or at least headed that way. I guess I've got a graduated menstrual cycle.
I'd like to take a moment and thank my reproductive organs for all the joy you've given me with the birth of 8 beautiful children. I also am glad you're gone because of the issues I've had since I was 10 years old! 39 years of cramping, bloating, irritability, menorrhagia (which we took care of years ago with ablation) and let's face it, the nuisance of carrying supplies in my purse, inconvenience of needing to know where the bathroom is at all times for several days straight and the nights when I had to set an alarm to get up and use the restroom before I made a mess.
TMI? Probably, but I'm glad to say that part of my life is over.
My mental health journey has not been easy and I know it will continue to be a journey with the crap that life has thrown at all of us lately. I'm almost glad that I was dealing with menopause at the same time because maybe I didn't notice it as much. The side effects from the medicine were sometimes worse than the anxiety/depression. I had to tough it out a few times and had some very embarrassing moments that I definitely think are TMI, you can ask me about them in person if you want. But, I'm happy to say that I've graduated from my meds and already feeling more like myself - the one I lost way before I was diagnosed. Thank you modern medicine and my amazing miraculous body.
I haven't had to take my anxiety pills for several months although teaching during the pandemic did cause me more sleepless nights than it should have. I practiced all I had learned about relaxation and self care and only took a sleeping aid every once in a while. He validated my efforts and told me he was proud of me. Does that sound weird? I don't remember needing so much validation as I do now. It felt good for him to say that because I have worked very hard. He agreed that for two weeks I would cut back to taking my meds every other day, then every third day after that and then cut them out completely. I'm happy to say that it's been a month now and so far so good.
Having said that, I realize that my path may be different from your path. Not everyone can get off their meds as fast as I did or maybe not ever. I truly believe that modern medicines are here for our use and benefit and we should use them as needed. I wouldn't deny myself an antibiotic if I had an infection!
But, I also believe that our bodies are capable of healing themselves. I have walked or jogged regularly since I was diagnosed and the days that I miss are much harder mentally. Sleeping is an issue that could also be part of my menopause. I sometimes take something to help me sleep. I have said "no" to more things than I wanted to and I have had to rely on my family to pick up my slack so I could take care of myself. Ben has been making dinner almost exclusively since last summer and it has been a wonderful shift in our household.
I also went to the lady parts doctor. Pap smear came back normal (Good news minute maybe?) and she gave me orders for my mammogram which I tried to go to but they told me I must wear a mask so that has been postponed.
I explained to her my symptoms of hot flashes, sleepless nights, decreased sex drive, my very active beard and mustache issues and irregular periods. I reminded her that my anxiety meds had some of the same side effects but she told me what I already knew, I'm in menopause. She ordered my annual blood work and sure enough, that's what the hormone levels say too. I haven't had a cycle since my appointment so that seems to be at an end too, or at least headed that way. I guess I've got a graduated menstrual cycle.
I'd like to take a moment and thank my reproductive organs for all the joy you've given me with the birth of 8 beautiful children. I also am glad you're gone because of the issues I've had since I was 10 years old! 39 years of cramping, bloating, irritability, menorrhagia (which we took care of years ago with ablation) and let's face it, the nuisance of carrying supplies in my purse, inconvenience of needing to know where the bathroom is at all times for several days straight and the nights when I had to set an alarm to get up and use the restroom before I made a mess.
TMI? Probably, but I'm glad to say that part of my life is over.
My mental health journey has not been easy and I know it will continue to be a journey with the crap that life has thrown at all of us lately. I'm almost glad that I was dealing with menopause at the same time because maybe I didn't notice it as much. The side effects from the medicine were sometimes worse than the anxiety/depression. I had to tough it out a few times and had some very embarrassing moments that I definitely think are TMI, you can ask me about them in person if you want. But, I'm happy to say that I've graduated from my meds and already feeling more like myself - the one I lost way before I was diagnosed. Thank you modern medicine and my amazing miraculous body.
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ReplyDeleteAblation one of the best things I have ever done!
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