Because I Had Children

The saga of the mysterious headaches continue. We are now in year two, month four. To recap, they are focused completely on the left upper corner of my nose/eye. They have progressively gotten worse over time and I generally suffer from 1-4 debilitating episodes per day. These are the kind that make me cry and lay on my bed for 90-120 minutes until it goes away. Those are on the pain scale of 8-10. I do have a day here and there when I only have one episode that gets to pain level 5-6 and I can work through them. I am in a constant state of pain level 2-3 most of the day.  Thank you for your sweet attempts to offer suggestions for relief. If you suggested it, I bet I've tried it. I've been to all sorts of specialists and taken all sorts of medicines, natural and otherwise. At this point, the only thing that truly works is Tylenol Mega Extra Strength and I'm at my max dosage per day. I spread out the Ibuprofin in between Tylenol doses and it keeps the pain at a tolerable lev...

I went to an all-staff meeting last week. The professional development was the importance of building relationships. It's my favorite part of my job, getting to meet students on their level and helping them succeed from that point on. It's one of the reasons I became a teacher.  We were asked to create an "elevator introduction" for when we meet people. It should include our name, our position and what we want from the person we are talking to. The owner of the company said this, "My name is Jim Lee and I have the best job in the world."  Hopefully, it causes the person to ask what his job is and from there, he can tell them about this amazing company he started to help people from different walks of life, all backgrounds and even a variety of countries to get their high school diploma.  I love my job and one of the reasons is, that from the moment I started, I have felt valued at work.  After a wonderful PD and news about ways our company continues to grow ...

Recently, my sister mentioned that her boys don't understand why reading is so important. She asked me how to explain to her boys, the importance of reading. Immediately, my mind came up with a million reasons and I needed to write them all down and then my other sister responded with even more great reasons and now I have so many reasons to share but not enough time.  And, since they hate reading, I can't make this very long. So, this is for you Jake! FIVE reasons why reading is important in no particular order. 1. Reading is a way to learn about new people, places and things.  My favorite quote about reading comes from George R.R. Martin. It was hanging in my class from the first day I became a teacher, he said,  “A reader lives a thousand lives before he dies . . . The man who never reads lives only one.” I loved this article from The Curious Reader about how reading allows us to have all the feelings that our characters have even if we haven't experienced them oursel...

 There are lots of reasons I wasn't able to continue teaching at my high school and it had very little to do with any one person or the school itself. It was about me getting my life back.  When I started working, I had 5 kids still left at home. I know that I was supposed to take that job for a reason. I know I was supposed to be there for the time I was but...I'm not that same person that I was.  In the five years I was working at the high school, four of my kids got married and I had four grandbabies join our family. My priorities changed. I also didn't realize the amount of time I would spend at home with my own children would be spent grading, lesson planning, tutoring, worrying, crying and praying over all of them. I loved them all but the pressure of all that became too much to manage.  The pandemic made everything seem excruciatingly more difficult, especially when it came to the worrying and praying. I quickly became overwhelmed and I decided I couldn't be a...

It's no secret that I've struggled with my mental health for the last several years. I've narrowed it down to the fact that I get overstimulated very easily. Teaching is like being in a constant state of overstimulation and even though we get "breaks" from it, I don't think I ever spent one week not thinking about lesson plans, teaching strategies or the multitude of "things" teachers have to deal with, working in education.  When I was a teenager, I took a few days off of school about every 6 weeks. I just knew I needed to sleep. I went to school all day, even taking classes during my lunch hour and I worked 15-25 hours each week at my part time job. In the spring, I ran track. As a young mother I was fortunate to stay at home with our children. Nap times were mandatory and we did not change schedules because this mama needed some quiet from the constant stress of caring for all those kids. And those kids kept coming! After I had our 6th, I remember...

I should finish that sentence with the words, "out loud." I am more of a pray in secret kind of gal. I don't know when it started, but I was pretty young. My prayers feel too personal to share sometimes. I've also been a terrible mother about praying with my kids because of that reason. I can shrug it off when my kids say my prayers are too long, but I want them to know this, I pray really well! Ha! I had a conversation with a friend the other day about how everyone prays in their own way. It resonated with me. I might not be the best at showing my family how much I rely on prayer to get me through every single day, especially the last several years but I'm here to explain how I pray just in case you're like me. Know this: Your prayers count. One of my favorite songs is from the LDS Hymnal #144, titled "Secret Prayer" by Hans Henry Peterson. I feel validated by it.  Verse one says: There is an hour of peace and rest, Unmarred by earthly care; ’Tis wh...

I wish I could change the circumstances of this post, but I have felt like I needed to share my experiences lately. Anxiety and depression are serious and can even be fatal so they definitely need to be taken seriously. But, there are things you can do to prevent it and even work through it.  As a coach and a parent, I can tell you that exercise is one of the best ways to clear your mind. Walking is all I can manage lately but I love the way I feel when I'm done. I walk with Ben and the dogs but I have also loved listening to music, listening to podcasts, scriptures or conference talks when I walk alone. I mostly love listening to the sounds of the morning like birds, sprinklers, cars leaving for work and even the cement factory busy starting their day. I've noticed that the days I don't walk, I'm far less productive on the days I don't get some good exercise in.  Breathing is another strategy I use. When I feel myself get overwhelmed, I take a few deep breaths and ...

I definitely have learned a difficult lesson about self care in the last year. I've learned how truly important it is. I've heard the analogy that it's like putting on the oxygen mask on yourself first so that you are able to help those around you but I'm Super Mom, I'll help everyone first then take care of myself. But guess what? That time never seemed to come. When I was a stay home mom, I told myself that because I didn't bring in an income, that spending money and time on myself was frivolous and unnecessary, what did I need "me" time for? I was at home all day. Plus, do you know how much time it takes to take care of the needs of 8 children and a spouse? When I started working full time, I decided that anything I wanted to do for myself meant more time away from my house and my children and my responsibilities there. I simply didn't have time for it. I gave up my acrylic nails and my bi-monthly housecleaning because they were frivolous, u...

Back at the end of March, I had a feeling of nervousness that was causing me to be short of breath and to worry about the slightest things. I was getting ready to fly to Utah to see my older kids and I almost decided not to go because I thought maybe it was a whisper of the spirit not to travel but it felt different than other promptings so I chose to go. It was a great weekend visiting but the shortness of breath turned into chest heaviness then a few days after I got home, it turned into chest pain. I never felt like it was urgent enough to go to the hospital and I tried to make an appointment with my Dr. but he was only available 3 weeks from then so after a few days I chose to go to the urgent care. Although I have family members who have suffered with anxiety and depression I never thought it would be me. Does this look like the face of anxiety or depression? I can't even count the number of times I faked it until I could get home and crawl into bed.  At the urgent care...

My friend Stephanie at  www.stephaniesaysso.blogspot.com  is my favorite poet:) She describes a new poem each day during the month of April so we can all celebrate National Poetry Month together. Being a mother, a teacher and a coach leaves me very little time to write so I look forward to this month when I can whip out a poem or two in a few minutes in my "free time." Here are a few I've written in the last month. Pensee Food Poem Sushi Kinda Slimy Chopsticks make it authentic comfort food to end my long day. Easy dinner, not cheap. Grammar Poem Students Intent and hard working, typing on their keyboards feverishly like their lives depended on it. If only they really understood that it does. Synonym Poem TIRED Fatigued, empty, faint, drained, spent I wonder when I will again begin feeling content? Credo Poem I believe in the importance of working hard, the courage it takes to pick yourself up, the skill it takes to move forward, the honesty i...