Tender Mercies During the Saga of the Headaches from Hell

The saga of the mysterious headaches continue. We are now in year two, month four. To recap, they are focused completely on the left upper corner of my nose/eye. They have progressively gotten worse over time and I generally suffer from 1-4 debilitating episodes per day. These are the kind that make me cry and lay on my bed for 90-120 minutes until it goes away. Those are on the pain scale of 8-10. I do have a day here and there when I only have one episode that gets to pain level 5-6 and I can work through them. I am in a constant state of pain level 2-3 most of the day. 

Thank you for your sweet attempts to offer suggestions for relief. If you suggested it, I bet I've tried it. I've been to all sorts of specialists and taken all sorts of medicines, natural and otherwise. At this point, the only thing that truly works is Tylenol Mega Extra Strength and I'm at my max dosage per day. I spread out the Ibuprofin in between Tylenol doses and it keeps the pain at a tolerable level. 

I'm also taking Proplanalol that is supposed to work on high blood pressure, anxiety and migraines. I only take 20mg per day and while it might be working, I'm not convinced it is helping the headaches. I'm not actually sure these are migraines. I'm staying on it because maybe it is helping with my increased anxiety over this whole situation. So much guessing. Update: Saw the nerurologist and he changed the medicine to Gabapentin. No more proplanalol. Time will tell. 

My most recent ENT doctor scheduled a CT scan a few weeks ago where we discovered that not only do I have a broken nose but I have a bone spur that may be impeding on the broken part of my nose and that might be the reason for the headaches. Maybe.  More guessing. That surgery is forthcoming. I never knew I was so high maintenance that I would require a nose job but here I am, demanding it. 

Two weeks ago, I had hit my emotional and mental state of being overwhelmed. I literally can't stop the chest pains that signal my max capacity to function. In speaking to my best friend Kristine, I suggested that maybe I need to get back on my meds for anxiety and depression. Besides Ben, she was the only person I told. All I wanted to do was sleep and cry. I did that regularly. Thank heavens for pre-season track practice which forced me to get up and leave the house as well as going to work at the HUB one day per week. 

Last week, I was feeling sorry for myself and waiting for my new prescription to start working (it takes about a week or so to feel any difference with most anxiety/depression meds). I decided I needed to focus on the good in my life and look for my joy. Family is a given as my purest form of joy and I'm so appreciative of the Facetime calls from my kids and grandkids but four additional things happened that seem sort of miraculous to me and helped me remember that Heavenly Father continues to be aware of me.  

First tender mercy. I told my friend about needing to see the doctor on a Tuesday. I texted the office right then and they were able to get me in on Thursday night at 6:30pm. What doctor keeps those late hours? Mine. When I got to the appointment, Fiona asked all her questions then put her notes down and just listened to me. 

She asked more questions then listened some more. 

She handed me a tissue when the tears came. 

She gave me a prescription. 

She asked me to come back in two weeks so she could check on me in person. 

I needed her medical expertise but I needed her empathy and compassion even more. 

Second tender mercy. I was assigned a new student who needs some one on one tutoring and wanted it pretty quickly. I set up an appointment at our Mesa office for just a few days later. We worked together and after about 90 minutes, she left. I had a few extra minutes before track practice so I kept working alone in this small office. A colleague saw me and didn't just say hello, he came in, pulled out a chair and sat across from me and looked me in the eyes. 

He genuinely asked about my family and waited for my answer. He doesn't even know my family. 

He asked me how I was doing. 

He listened. 

I didn't now how much I needed someone to check on me that day and maybe he didn't know either, but he asked. Did he do that on purpose? I'm not sure if he felt prompted or not, but he answered a prayer he didn't know I was praying. 

Third tender mercy. Track season has begun. Last year at this time, this was my saving grace. Besides going home to be with Ben and getting in bed, this was the one part of my day I truly looked forward to. Fast forward to this year and I'm equally as excited to be back with  my team. Day one, one of my athletes ran to me and practically knocked me to the ground with a bear hug. 

She noticed I was there. 

She showed me she was glad I was back. 

She told me she was so glad to see me. 

We both happened to be wearing camo leggings and she pointed out to everyone that we were twins. My heart melted and although I didn't cry (thank you modern medicine), I wanted to cry happy tears. She made my day. 

Fourth tender mercy. I had put a request on social media to borrow a t-shirt for my alma mater for an event. A friend from childhood couldn't fill that particular request but said she had a different t-shirt for me and when I was in the area, I needed to drop by so she could get it to me. I didn't have the slightest clue what t-shirt this could be but she said I would understand when I picked it up. 

She took the time to reach out to me. 

She texted kind words. It wasn't what she said, it was the fact that she said it. She said nice things. We all want to hear nice things. She texted them. 

She wanted to hug me! I'm no hugger but when someone says they want to hug me, I let them. 

She remembered something about me. Most people know I love Rocky movies. (I actually watched Rocky 2 on Saturday while I folded laundry, big surprise to my family.) She had a Rocky shirt that no longer served her but she knew I would appreciate it. When I changed my clothes to go to practice today, you can bet I wore it. It's now one of my favorite shirts.

None of these events were earth shattering but I want to point out that during a very difficult week, I found joy and comfort through small acts of kindness. Most likely, none of these people have any idea of the effect they had on me the last week but it is a good reminder of two things:

1 - When you look for the good, you will find it. Same rule applies to looking for the bad. I'm choosing good. 

2 - No act of kindness is ever too small. 

If you are still reading, you've now done me another small service by reading this. Thank you for that.