What happened to Stacy Johnson? My last year in a nutshell.

A lot has happened since the last time I posted. I did not sign my contract to teach for another year at my high school. Because of that, I was also told I could not coach. That was devastating but I was so low, I didn't even argue. Ultimately, my leaving had very little to do with my school or any person there, it mostly had to do with me. The last 18 months were harder than anything I've had to do in my entire life. Every single day was a struggle. 

Covid protocols that didn't make any sense to me and the amount of hypocrisy around me was on some days unbearable. Teachers didn't want to come to school and would protest one day then post pictures on their social media about being at a hotel and out to dinner the same weekend. It was hard to stomach. 

Social media hit an all time low for me just before school started and the comments like "you don't understand the seriousness of this dreaded disease" and "you don't know how to do research" really put me over the edge. I teach 9th graders how to use research and cite credible sources for a living! Ironically, those comments are magically gone now. I had people unfriend me because of my inability to conform to their opinions and believe the way they did. Sadly, what I loved most about social media was reading all the opinions and information my friends shared. Losing good friends over this virus broke my heart maybe most of all.

Teaching was considerably difficult because of the load I accepted. I taught 6 class periods which  meant I had no break or prep period. I also accepted to teach 5 of those class periods knowing that I would be responsible for the majority of students in the 9th grade who had IEPs or 504 plans and needed extra help. The deal was that there would be two teachers in my room to be able to properly serve all those students. Long story short, there were many days and weeks where there was very little actual help in the classroom. In short, I was drowning. 

While I am grateful for medicine, the side effects were becoming unbearable. I needed them desperately but increasing my dosage in order to cope was a completely different battle. I had to choose between the miserable side effects or coming home and sleeping my evenings and weekends away when I wasn't grading papers or planning lessons. My "as needed" medicine was getting used more and more and the Dr. said that was ok given the situation but always in the back of my mind I was worried about becoming addicted again. 

Basically, I was a miserable person and didn't even want to be with myself. Bless my family who did not give up on me. I hadn't cried or slept as  much as I did the last 3 months of that school year. Each day I prayed I would have the strength to get out of bed and go to work. If it hadn't been for my track season, (we took 5th in state and had a state champion and two runner ups along with an amazing staff that carried me through the season), I don't know what might have happened.

I was grateful to have my summer off with Ben to try and enjoy life as much as possible while worrying about finding a job. We knew we were going to Oregon to see our newest grandbaby and his family at the beginning of July so towards the end of June, I started applying for new jobs. Talk about stressful!

I had one job that I knew would be the one for me and that was the position of Mentor at Western Governor's University. I applied and then never heard anything. In the meantime, I interviewed at a company called Graduation Solutions in Mesa and this sounded like a good backup plan. On Friday before we left to go out of town, Grad Solutions called and offered me a position as an English Instructor. I told them I would let them know on Monday. I still hadn't heard from WGU and was starting to panic. 

On Saturday morning as we drove through Phoenix, I got an email from WGU saying I was not selected to be interviewed. Along with prayers and lots of discussion over the weekend, on Monday, I accepted the job at Grad Solutions with the plan to begin working on July 19th. 

I was able to spend our entire trip enjoying the sights of the west coast all the way up to Oregon where we spent a week relaxing and hanging out with our family. 

I celebrated my 50th birthday as well as started my new job and things are definitely looking up. I got off my meds and while I still struggle with my anxiety, the depression is mostly gone and I'm finding happiness in working from home. I'm able to go to the gym daily and reflect on lots of parts of my life that have been missing for the last five years. I'm getting lots of projects done at home that have been neglected for the last five years.

To say that my life has turned upside down and sideways is an understatement, but it is all good. I now have lots of time to spend with Ben,  my two left at home and my grandbabies that I love. The last year was probably just as hard on Ben as it was on me and my heart probably grew 100 times bigger with love for him and how he has tried to love and protect me. 

If you read to the end, you are a true friend. Thanks for sticking by me.