Because I Had Children

Several months ago, my dear friends Jenni and Leah invited me to join them at the ANWA Annual Writer's Conference. I didn't know where my life would be at that point so I told them I would consider it. When the conference went virtual, they decided to hold to the plan and get a hotel and get a way for the weekend. I really wanted to go, but my anxiety has had such a tight grip on me, I almost backed out several times.  With school going to in person this last week, I was worried there would be another teacher walk out which would set me into another tailspin worrying about students. I told them that I wouldn't be able to get a sub in good conscience if that happened so I was still up in the air. When that didn't happen, I put in for the absence but then on Wednesday night I got a phone call from Derek at football practice thinking he had a broken arm. I was sure that was a sign that I shouldn't go. He appeared ok the next morning but the swelling and bruising still ...

My anxiety is high lately. So many demands on my time and yet I know that it is all my fault. I find myself keeping busy because if I didn't, I would probably sleep all day. I hardly interact with my family and when I do, I'm there in person but I'm not present. I'm not in the moment.  There is a pain in my chest. It isn't a sharp pain but more like a weight on my chest; a heavy one. It makes breathing hard. Over a year ago, I had all sorts of heart tests done and they found nothing wrong with me. My heart doctor suggested stress or anxiety and that's how I got on this mental health journey. I'm so glad he said something.  So, knowing what it is makes it easier to cope with; I know I'm not dying. I know it will go away eventually. But, it causes me to lose sleep. I can't have a normal conversation with anyone because I can't focus on what they are saying. I don't even know where my brain goes. I listen but I'm not comprehending or retaini...

I wish I could change the circumstances of this post, but I have felt like I needed to share my experiences lately. Anxiety and depression are serious and can even be fatal so they definitely need to be taken seriously. But, there are things you can do to prevent it and even work through it.  As a coach and a parent, I can tell you that exercise is one of the best ways to clear your mind. Walking is all I can manage lately but I love the way I feel when I'm done. I walk with Ben and the dogs but I have also loved listening to music, listening to podcasts, scriptures or conference talks when I walk alone. I mostly love listening to the sounds of the morning like birds, sprinklers, cars leaving for work and even the cement factory busy starting their day. I've noticed that the days I don't walk, I'm far less productive on the days I don't get some good exercise in.  Breathing is another strategy I use. When I feel myself get overwhelmed, I take a few deep breaths and ...