Making Time to Recharge

Several months ago, my dear friends Jenni and Leah invited me to join them at the ANWA Annual Writer's Conference. I didn't know where my life would be at that point so I told them I would consider it. When the conference went virtual, they decided to hold to the plan and get a hotel and get a way for the weekend. I really wanted to go, but my anxiety has had such a tight grip on me, I almost backed out several times. 

With school going to in person this last week, I was worried there would be another teacher walk out which would set me into another tailspin worrying about students. I told them that I wouldn't be able to get a sub in good conscience if that happened so I was still up in the air. When that didn't happen, I put in for the absence but then on Wednesday night I got a phone call from Derek at football practice thinking he had a broken arm. I was sure that was a sign that I shouldn't go. He appeared ok the next morning but the swelling and bruising still had me concerned. He seemed fine Friday morning so I took the afternoon off. 

The tears began the moment Jenni picked me up. It was like a flood of relief had opened and everything came spilling out. I didn't realize how much I needed a break until we were on our way. 

We arrived at the hotel and got checked in with a few minutes to spare before the first speaker began. I wasn't registered for the conference but I listened for about 10 minutes before I fell asleep. I slept the entire hour. I needed it. Jenni and Leah ended up watching another speaker while I stayed at the pool.

We swam and sunned, I even fell asleep sitting outside. We went for a lovely walk around the pond and enjoyed some yummy meals together. I turned my phone to silent and left it in my purse most of the time. We watched a movie and ate pizza in bed and talked about writing, life, school, jobs, not having jobs, grandkids, kids, conspiracy theories, state of the world. We sat in silence too. 

I realized that I needed to be reminded that I'm important. It isn't that my husband doesn't do that for me, because he's very good at it, I realized though, that I needed to hear it from people who don't have to say it. I also needed to let out the stress with tears and sleep because I don't do that at home. I try to keep it together for them and because they already see me stressed out from work, they don't need to see me cry or sleep all the time.

We were only gone for 24 hours but I feel hope today. I feel like I am recharged and ready to face my life again, even though it is sad and lonely most of the day. It was needed.